[First Draft] Crystals (girlxgirl) (studentxteacher) (lesbian story)

Chapter Fifty-three

A/n: Sorry about the wait. School's a bitch.

Lilly

I stood by the window and watched Laura sit in her new car. She didn't look like she planned on moving anytime soon. In fact, she didn't look like she even could move. Her gaze was fixed on a point just above the steering wheel and she stared hard, obviously thinking just as hard. She looked like she had just woken up; her hair tied back in a messy ponytail and her face make-up free. She'd called only twenty minutes earlier and said there was something she needed to tell me and now she'd been sitting in front of my house for close to ten minutes without moving.

I didn't want her to talk herself out of telling me whatever was wrong so I decided to her and find out for myself.

I had, for once, been up for a few hours, working. Whenever I had stayed at Laura's I was always the last to rise, waking often to her making breakfast, or lying beside me reading. It was clearly going to be difficult for her to tell me whatever it was she wanted but, as I had been alert longer, I reasoned I was the better judge of whether I could handle the information. At least, that's what I told myself as I got into Laura's car.

The instant the door closed she put the car into reverse and backed out of the driveway, going faster than I felt comfortable with. She drove quickly, probably breaking the speed limit, until we were outside of town. She stopped in a car park intended for walkers, with several different pathways leading into woods, dark with leaves. I felt as though I were on one of those walks, although neither of us had left the car. I had no idea what she was going to say but I knew it wasn't good.

"I couldn't tell you this in front of your house. It would feel so wrong." Laura said, breaking the silence that had been between us since I invited myself into her car. I said nothing. She turned her whole body towards me and reached over, taking my right hand and holding it between both of hers. They were warm but I shivered, apprehension tightening my insides. "After you left last night I had to check if there was any evidence of the person you thought you saw." My hands trembled as nausea swept through me. She was going to say there was nothing there, that I was crazy and had to get help. That I was traumatised because of the loss of my brother and was seeing things. I could see it all sprawled out before me, like a map. Endless hours of counseling, resulting in a locked room surrounded by animalistic screams and countless pills. "I found footsteps, babe." That was not what I had expected to hear. I was so relieved I actually began to smile widely, until Laura continued. "He came back. It's Harry."

My heart stopped. I gasped for air. Stared with unseeing eyes as the word's ran on loop. It's Harry. It's Harry. It's Harry. It couldn't be. My brother was dead. Buried six feet under. I'd been to his funeral!

"He's dead." I said blankly. "I imagined it."

"No, Lilly, your brother is very much alive. He came to see me after you'd gone home last night. Lilly, he's in my house. He wants to see you."

I shook my head. "No." I ripped my hand from hers and stumbled out of the car. I made my way over to a picnic bench and sat on it, breathing hard. My chest hurt and I couldn't get enough oxygen. My heart was pounding so fast I was afraid that I would die. I felt sick. Laura had followed me and she sat on the bench beside me.

"Breath, Lilly," she instructed. "You need to calm down."

"I c-can't. I gasped, drawing in huge, rasping breaths, trying to fill my chest with oxygen. But it wasn't enough. "I-I ... can't ... breathe." My girlfriend placed one of her hands on my back and the other on my torso, just below my breasts.

"Focus on pushing your body into my hands, both ways. Don't let any other thoughts take presidence over it. Forget about everything else." I tried to do what she told me, pushing any thoughts I had out of my mind with force until all I was thinking of was her hands. Every time something rose unbidden in my mind, I fought to keep my concentration on Laura's hands. After a short while, everything slipped away. Before I knew it, my breathing and heart rate had slowed and I could think clearly, without panic or bile rising.

"You don't even know what he looks like." I said. I was rather proud that my voice was steady and calm. Laura's trick had worked.

"I've seen his picture on your nightstand." She told me. "He said he wants to explain."

"Why couldn't he have come himself?" I asked, angrily.

"He said that he just couldn't. That it would be too much all at once. He's been gone for a year, Lilly."

"Yeah, and whose fault is that?" I snapped.

"Ask him that," Laura said, thinking with a level head and giving me no reason to be angry at her. She couldn't help that he'd reached out to her rather than me. It was he who must answer all the questions which swirled inside me. I slowly stood up and she followed suit.

I took her hand. "Let's go see him then and I will."

***

I felt sick as Laura opened the door. My heart pounded like a trapped beast against my rib-cage. My palms were damp and my hairline tickled with sweat. Laura held my hand firmly in hers and offered me a small smile as we approached the living room. I found that I couldn't return it.

We entered the door and it became clear that the room was empty.

"Maybe he went to the bathroom." Laura said. She dropped my hand and disappeared through the other doorway in that room.

I sat down on the sofa and something crinkled beneath me. I rose slightly and pulled whatever it was out from under me.

It was a piece of paper with just two words written on it, in scrawling script.

I'm sorry.

I stared at it for a long time, until the paper was a blur against smudges of colour.