insecurities

As I Wait

"What child?" I asked as I got up and walked around my desk to lean against it  on the other side, crossing my right ankle over the left. "I asked... What child, Alexis?"

"We don't know... Apparently, it wasn't her mother's place to say."

"Get out of my office and make sure I don't see your face until I find her." I ordered and they left... I was left with Christian in the room.

"Bonnie's mother seems to know something..."

I cut Christian off, "True..." I pulled out my phone and dialed Bridget's number.

"Ian?" she quickly picked up.

"Uhhm..."

"I already know what you are going to ask... Truthfully, I don't know where she went. She didn't want to tell me because she said that she knew that you'd want to find her."

"What happened?"

"I should be asking you... Ian, she is afraid of something... Not you, but it's definitely something that concerns you."

I sighed, "This whole thing is just so confusing..."

"She thinks it will be a good idea if you just stay away from them."

"Who's them?"

"Your child, Ian." she sighed.

I remained silent for the longest time with my eyebrows furrowed and I just couldn't believe it, "Thanks, Bridget." I hung up the phone and ran my fingers through my hair with a long exhale.

Bonnie was pregnant??
I paced around on one spot with my chest rising and dropping drastically due to my heavy breathing.

"What's up?" Christian asked.

"I need you to get me guys to find Bonnie... Fast."

"On it..." he left in a split second.

I paced around my office for hours trying to call Bonnie but she just wouldn't pick up. I left a bunch of messages in her voice mail but she just wouldn't call me back. I felt myself slowly drift away from sanity...

Was it me? Was I the only one who enjoyed our time together? Was I forcing things or something?

Those questions all went unanswered as the love of my life wasn't there to answer them. My eyes were burning with the urge to cry but I held it in as I continued to try and reach her phone.

'Bonnie, I need to talk to you... Just call me, okay? I love you.'

'Please just pick up the phone, Bonnie. Why are you ignoring me...?'

'Bonnie... I am worried sick here. I get it...the type of life I live puts you in jeopardy but I love you. I love you so much. Can't you just please call me back?'

'Please, call me.'

'What is going on? Bonnie, I thought we were okay... That we could get past anything together. Baby, just call me.'

'I love you.'

Hours passed and it was night but still not a word from Bonnie... I couldn't bare being sober so, I drowned myself in alcohol. I admit I was drunk but I wasn't feeling any less worried...I badly wanted her back. I picked up my phone one more time and dialed her number.

"Hello?"

I placed the beer down after hearing her voice... I couldn't believe that she actually picked up . "Bonnie?"

"Ian?"

"Bonnie, are you okay?"

She hesitated, "I am fine."

"I tried calling you..."

"I know and... I listened to all your voice messages."

"What happened, Bonnie?"

"Can we not talk about this, Ian... Because I assure you that nothing you say will change my mind."

"Then what are we supposed to talk about? Or maybe we should just talk about how you just vanished?" I sighed, "Bonnie, are you carrying my child?"

She didn't answer...

"Bonnie, answer me... No, no, I want to hear you say it."

"Yes... I am." she whispered.

"Say it, Bonnie."

She sighed, "I am five weeks pregnant with our baby, Ian."

I remained silent for a second then sighed as tears piled up in my eyes. "How long have you known?"

"Three weeks..."

I ran my fingers through my hair and rubbed my temple in frustration, "You're telling me that you laid next to me every night but you didn't even think to tell me... That is my baby too!"

"Ian, I get it you're angry... I was willing to risk everything, even my life to be with you but now there's a child in the mix. I almost got raped... Who's to tell what your shady business people will do to our child?" she breathed loudly before speaking up again," The people you work with target weaknesses and I will not just sit back not knowing what will happen to my baby... I love you but I won't do that."

"Bonnie..."

"I love you, Ian."

*beep*...

"That's my child too!" I screamed at my phone but she'd already hung up on me and I threw my phone on the couch.

"Is everything okay?" Christian asked as he stood by the door.

"Can I be left alone for a very long time?"

He nodded, "Okay..."

"And make sure no one comes in here. Not even the maids."

"Will do." he shut the door behind himself and I took a seat on one of the small couches I had in my home office with my body sunken in it. The house was just a constant reminder of the fact that Bonnie left me. The desk, the sofas, the hallway, the bedroom, bathroom, dining room, living room, pool... There wasn't a single corner in the house that didn't have a memory of us both naked or ridiculously staring into each other's eyes and having weirdly prolonged conversations with our fingers intertwined . I grabbed the beer bottle and smashed it against a huge painting that hung there and it perfectly complimented the white shaded wall with it's explosively bright colors... But after the glass crashed on it... It wasn't so pretty anymore .

I rushed downstairs and found Christian on his phone...

" Uhhm... Call me when you get any leads." he hung up his phone and his blue eyes remained on me as I stared at the dinner table. "Ian?"

"Get the staff to pack up all our things... We're leaving first thing in the morning. I will go crazy if I spend one more day in this house ." I climbed up a few stairs then looked back at Christian, "Ohhhw... And call the pilot. Tell him that we take off around 6am..."

"Isn't that a bit of a short notice?"

"Tell him, I don't care... I'll quadruple his pay if I have to."

"I'll call him." he nodded and I continued upstairs. I spent all night on the balcony, drinking with Bonnie's t-shirt in my hand. She smelled really nice and I really loved smelling her.

I was ready to go back to Germany and run my company but I wasn't giving up on me and Bonnie... That was one thing I wasn't willing to do even if it took me years... She and that baby were everything to me.
 

           ............. THE END...........

Okay, so that's all for book 1 😭🥂. Please follow me for book 2...thank you for the time you took to read this. I appreciate it lots. No spoilers but I can assure you that I will make sure book 2 is better than this. Don't forget to comment what you want to see in the continuation. ❤️😭🥂.

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