Marriage with the enemy

F E E L I N G N U M B

(A/N - I've played a lot with POV's images in this book, didn't I? This is last...)

I came to my house walking so fast felt like some robber is behind me, I don't know how to tell and express my feeling right now, the tightening in my chest is not going unnoticed, I am hating the way I am feeling right now. Everything is going wrong. Very wrong.

How they can decide that I am marrying someone I really don't like to be with, and yeah the fact that I came from Paris the day before yesterday and my whole fucking world changed in 2 days.

I went on date, we fought, I met him in his company, and now I am marrying that moron after 5 days.

I haven't felt this overwhelmed by any situation in my whole life.

I am turning 25 soon and this is what I get, and what about my job and career. I was designing beautiful dresses, taking experience with my ideal designers, and getting shows offered, and when I just started my career, without anyone's help, doing everything solely.

I am here where I don't have any job and I am not that famous also. And what if I didn't get to continue my job.

My last hope of stopping this marriage also went in to drain, I can't imagine myself getting married to him when my dreams and my love lie in Paris.

And thinking about Nathan gives me a pang of heart pain which is getting a lot to bear. On Wednesday I am getting married. Oh my god please wake me up.

Please tell me this all is a dream, I even don't know if I'll be able to pull this all of and when I'll be able to divorce him and after divorcing him will my life will be the same?

No Way in the hell. Nothing will be the same. I would be no one till that time, No one will know me maybe Nathan would be married to another girl and I'll be all alone in the streets.

Thinking about all this just makes me wonder what is that I did wrong and I am getting to face all this.

Looks like I have stopped feeling I am literally feeling like nothing, and this sucks when I don't even have a single control in my life, but everyone around me does.

My phone rang and the person calling me is the last person I wanna face. What I'll tell him, I want to meet him yeah right, I'll be meeting Nathan. 

I picked up and he started, "What is this Sam, you know I hate it when you didn't even found this necessary to call me ad at least tell me how's your day going." He said in a pissed voice, he doesn't even get pissed this is the first time he is talking to me like this.

"Sorry Nathan, I am really sorry actually I am just...not feeling like anything. I am out of place, actually, what stress really is I am getting to know right now." I told him massaging my temple.

"Hey is everything alright, and why you're calling me Nathan?" His tone quickly changed to concerned. That's why I love this man he knows how to react, talk, judge, and console. Someone I need in my life, I don't want a person who will fight with me back when I am annoyed, I want someone who can calm me down.