My Diary

Wednesday, January 20, 2021

⚠️TW: R4pe⚠️

  So, my mom hit me because I hit my finger and never told her.
  Let me explain.

  About 5 days ago I hit my finger twice. The first time was against a table and the second time.. I don't remember.
  I didn't say anything about it since I didn't think it was important.

  It got a bump the next day, I didn't think much of it. It did hurt when I touched it though.

  Today my mom saw my finger and asked what happened. I told her I don't know.
  She asked me again. I said I hit my finger.

  She got heated and asked how. I said I didn't remember, because I didn't.
  She screamed at me saying how do I not remember. That I probably hit it pretty hard since I had a bump.

  I stood quite not sure how was I supposed to answer.
  She got close to me and hit me. She asked how did I get hurt.
  I told her I got hit my finger twice and don't remember how I got hurt the second time.

  I have terrible memory problems and can't help it if somethings slip out my mind.
  My mom screamed at me saying if I was retarded or had brain damage.
  She grabbed a shoe and hit me 3 more times.
 
  At this point tears were falling down my face.
 
  I'm not the type to cry in front of people because I feel that just a sign of weakness.
  And because of that thought I kinda trained myself to not cry, especially when I'm getting yelled at.
  I was getting hit and it hurt so, how can I not cry?

  She was giving me this whole speech about how she hated that I would always lie to her and I never tell her when things happen to me.

  Well, I wonder why! Probably because everytime I open up to you and tell you the truth you get pissed off at me!
  I don't want to go through that!

  It can be about something serious like getting bullied at school and she would scream at me like if it were my fault.

  Thanks to that, I didn't even tell her that I almost got raped after I got out of school. Why? Because she will pin it on me like if were MY FAULT!
 
  I'm so lucky the guy never got the chance to do anything. I was TOO LUCKY.
  I'm so glad that mother with her 2 daughters got off the bus at the same time as me and took the same route.
 
  I'm so scared that.. That would happen again that I don't take that route anymore and take a different one which takes much longer to get from the bus stop to my house.
  What can I do?

   Plus, way before that incident, I asked my mom if she could buy me pepper spray or a pocket knife.
   Home girl really asked why. 🤦‍♀️
   She knows I have a fear of men (even though I hate admitting it.)
   
   I told her why and she said "StOp ExaGgeRaTiNg!" 😐
  
  I will stop "exaggerating" when men stop being disgusting degenerates.

  Sorry, I just needed to vent a little. 😅