Heartbeat // A Derek Hale Love Story (Teen Wolf)

Control

Lillian was quiet again on the drive back to her house. In the silence I went over the events of the night in my mind, and again with painful clarity came the dread I felt when she leapt out of the car and into harm's way when she said she wouldn't. I tried to keep myself in check as we went up to the loft. I even managed to keep my mouth shut until after I'd showered and seriously tried to calm down.

But after about fifteen minutes, I couldn't hold it in anymore, when Lillian looked at me as I left the bathroom, and asked, "What?"

I sighed, sitting down on the bed. "I feel like now's not the time to get into this."

"Is this about me stopping Scott?" she asked, walking over to the other side of the bed after she'd pulled on her pyjama shirt.

"Yes, obviously. You said you were going to stay in the car."

"I said I would try," she said back, sitting on the bed next to me, cross-legged. "Trying is not the same as 'I will.'"

I rolled my eyes. "I don't think you understand, Scott could have killed you. Which is why I told you to stay in the car tonight. I begged you, even. I don't beg, but I did because I thought I needed to to keep you safe."

"Derek, I don't think you understand. Scott was acting like he was going to kill you. How can you expect me to sit around and watch that when you and I both know I could do something to stop him? I am not going to stand around and watch you almost die, not again."

"Tonight was not the time to test your powers or prove to me you can protect yourself, the stakes are way too high."

"You're being ridiculous," Lillian scoffed. "You know it's not about proving anything. I thought Scott might kill you, I stopped him. End of story. I'm not going to apologise for saving your life."

"I could've handled Scott myself," I insisted. "Seeing you at the top of that hill... it completely blew my concentration. If you had just stayed in the car, things would have been fine."

"You don't know that," she said quietly. "I don't understand what your issue is with my being useful, or helping you."

I clenched my jaw, letting my gaze rest on her. Her perfect skin glowed in the light of the little fairy lights she had strung around her bed frame, and her eyes reflected the warmth of them beautifully. My anger faltered, the fear I'd felt earlier creeping back like frost over my back. "It's not that I can't handle you being useful, I promise you it's not that."

"Then what is it?"

"I told you this earlier, but I can't handle you getting hurt, okay?" I hissed. "Happy? It doesn't matter how helpful and useful and perfect you are, I'm always going to want you away from the danger, because I love you, Lillian. You are the most important person in my life and if you die..." I blocked out the thought, the ice in that idea taking hold of my heart. "I can't let that happen. I'm trying to protect you, what's so wrong with just letting me?"

Lillian looked at me with those eyes that always saw right through me, and sighed. "Derek... you need to let me protect you, too. It's not a death sentence for me to engage with werewolves, not with these powers I have. You have to let me use them, because they're never going to not be useful. I can't promise you I'll ever sideline myself if there's a chance that I can help you, and I'm sorry for letting you think I ever would. I love you too much to not try everything. Please, just... try to be okay with me helping you. As powerful and capable as you are, I have a skill set you don't, and you and I both know it's useful. So just let me be useful, okay?"

She was right. I knew she was. But I couldn't stop seeing everything that could've happened to her tonight. Getting slashed to pieces by Scott, having to watch her bleed out... I felt like I would vomit just at the thought of it. I couldn't shake it. I rubbed my face, sighing deeply, before meeting her gaze again. "Fine. I'll try." 

A/N: Hello everyone, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I know lots of you have been eagerly awaiting new content of this book. 

I am planning to continue this story, even if I go longer periods than I used to without updating. I'm in my third year of university now, and things are very busy. I also will admit I'm lacking motivation to write this book like I haven't experienced before. But, knowing people enjoy this story and want me to keep writing helps a lot. I love reading all your comments and thoughts on it. 

So, the TLDR is: I do intend to finish this book, I'm just busy and less motivated these days and writing is sometimes really hard. However, I appreciate all your comments immensely!

Let me know what you thought of this chapter!

- TAAF_