Shattered~Lashton

Fourteen.

-Ashton- 

Waking up at first I didn't know where I was, but then I remembered what happened. Luke was sleeping in my arms. I didn't know what happened but I knew he was crying. For some reason I was up at three in the morning, then Luke texted me. I sneaked out of my house and came over. His brother let me in, he didn't say anything besides the fact that he was in his room. I found him crying in his bed, hidden underneath his blankets. I would have to ask him what happened once he's up. I wasn't going to wake him up though, I carefully removed myself from Luke and got up. I checked my phone and it was nine.  I didn't feel like going downstairs, his brother was most likely down there and I feel like it would be awkward. Even though he knew I was here after all.

I walked over to Lukes desk. He had scrap paper everywhere, some had writing others didn't. I noticed a journal. Now usually I wouldn't go into peoples stuff but it was open so I thought why not. I looked at a few of entries, skimming through them. Many said he was afraid. Afraid of what? Many had my name mentioned too. I smiled reading over a few with my name. I tried not to read a lot of them, or fully read them. I was already invading his privacy.

The last entry was made yesterday. He must have done it after I left. I felt my chest tighten, he said that he loved me. I knew that we just started dating, but it feels like we have been together longer. The sentence before it made me sad, he thinks he's going insane. I knew something was wrong with Luke, I just didn't know what. 

I made my way back over to his bed, he was still sleeping. I got back into bed with him. He started mumbling something but I didn't understand. I closed my eyes, maybe I could fall back asleep. 

"Ashton." 

I open my eyes and his are open. "Hey." I ran my hair through his hair that is now flat, usually up in a quiff. 

"Do you want to talk about last night?" He bit his lip before nodding. 

He went on telling me every last detail. I could tell he was having a hard time telling me. 

"...and then you died. It was all my fault I could have done somethi-" I cut him off with a kiss. 

"Its okay, it was just a nightmare okay? I'm right here, and nothing like that will ever happen. Besides the way you described it is that you couldn't have stopped it even if you tried." He shook his head. 

I hated that he thought it was his fault and was beating on himself because of it. It was only a nightmare. I hoped he wouldn't let it get the best of him. I pulled him closer to me, my arms around his waist. We just laid there, it was nice. It was silent but not an awkward silence. 

"Ashton, I know we just started dating but do you think we are going to fast I mean...." 

"Not really, we haven't done anything. We are doing normal couple stuff. If you feel like its going to fast we can try to slow things down?" I was slightly confused. We haven't done anything but kiss and now cuddle. But then again this was Luke we were talking about. Who happened to over think everything. Then I thought about his journal. He said he loved me, maybe that was what he was thinking about. 

"No. Its I don't know." 

At the same moment my phone went off. I looked at it and it was my mom. "Shit Luke, I have to go before my mom kills me." 

He gave me a sad look but nodded. I got up and he sat up. I knew he didn't have a shirt on but I didn't really pay much attention. There was faded bruises but he still looked good. I frowned at the sight of his ribs. I remember when I looked into a mirror and that was all I saw. 

Skin and bones. Even then I still thought I was still fat, but that was far from the truth. He saw that I was staring and covered himself up. I gave him a quick kiss.