The Story of Us

Chapter 21- Fool Me Twice

I feel like this song fits well with what happens in this chapter between Spencer and Amanda!

TW: Drug use

Hotch made Amanda wait out the entire week for her recovery despite her being cleared for work after five days and then she got to go back to work the same as Reid. The only problem was that something was off about Reid. It made sense at first because he claimed that his distant behavior was due to his experience. He had never been kidnapped or tortured before and now he knew how the victims felt. Everyone tried to help him get through it but the behavior got worse. Eventually, they got a case in Houston, which was when things took a turn for the worse. 

It began as it had for a couple of weeks, with Reid coming in late, but no one said anything. They all knew why they were ignoring it. If they noticed, they'd have to report it to their supervisor and then Hotch would be forced to tell Strauss, who already disliked the unit and would fire Spencer on the spot. So they kept their mouths shut. Each one of them begged to say something, however, and itched to keep an eye on him, hoping that if they couldn't say something, maybe they could distract him from the drug use and he'd realize that he doesn't need it. 

This is when things got bad. Emily offered to help with the Geo-profile and Reid got snippy so Hotch forced him to work with her. Then he got irritated over the construction noise so Hotch assigned him to go canvas homeless shelters with Prentiss and Amanda. He agreed, not wanting to push it, and they all headed to the homeless shelter. While there Reid just completely scared one of the heads of the homeless shelter by implying that there was a very good chance the homeless man was in the shelter at that moment without any proof that he even stayed in shelters. 

Emily and Amanda did their best to calm her nerves before going after Spencer and Emily decided that enough was enough so she called him out on his behavior. This prompted him to get defensive and say that she hadn't known him very long and therefore doesn't know him before walking off so Amanda told her to head to the car and she'd talk to him. Emily agreed and Amanda rushed after him and pulled him to the side of the alley.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"You heard what she was saying. Nothing is wrong with me."

"Yes, Spencer, there is. I'm not stupid. I've seen a lot of people on drugs and that's exactly how you're acting. Irritated, erratic, and unfocused. You're one of the least confrontational people I know, Spence, and now it's like your ready to fight everyone that looks in your direction. The week we spent recovering, the week I spent getting clean, you spent getting high didn't you?" He says nothing. "Spence it's okay. I can help you. We don't have to tell anyone. You can just say you're sick. My friend runs a rehab center in Virginia, he just moved it here from Texas. I can work there with you. I can help you get better."

Spencer wanted to say yes, to accept her help because he didn't want to be on drugs, but then the irrational part took over. Who is she to say he needs help? She is more damaged than he will ever be. So he says the words he will come to regret more than anything for years to come. "You can help me? You can't even help yourself, Amanda. You're so afraid that no one can love you that you use and hurt everyone around you before they get the chance to do it to you. 

"Then you choose people that will hurt you, people that can never truly choose you because they know that you aren't worth loving, and you fall for them. You couldn't help Evan because you weren't enough for him, he probably OD to get away from you, so what the hell makes you think that you'll be enough for me?" The second the words leave his mouth there's a small pause. 

Like time had completely stopped and both parties were frozen and for the first time, Spencer believed that maybe things would've been better if he had died in that cabin. Then, the next moment he was on his ass with a stinging pain near his left eye. It takes him a moment to register what had happened. She had punched him, hard. The more time he gave it to register, the more it hurt, and the more he believed that he deserved it.