Sanders Sides Oneshots/Short Stories

A casual talk about prison (LAMPD)

Hi! I'm back after god knows how long! This oneshot doesn't particularly have a specific ship, although some ships are slightly implied but you can ignore that if you like.

TWs: speaking about prison, very very very brief mention of sex, blink and you'll miss it, food mention, swearing, demiboy! Janus, mentions of murder, a bit of confusion and secrecy

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"Hey, Janus?" Patton questions timidly, doing the thing with his fingers that means gay sex in sign language.

"What's up?" The hatted man responds, peering at Patton over the sunglasses that he stole from Remy earlier that day. They had a fun time.

"Um, so I know this might not fit well with your whole aesthetic or whatever but uh..." he trails off nervously, glancing up at the mismatched eyes.

"Buttttt......" Janus prompts, peering further over the sunglasses.

Patton chuckles timidly, looking down "but could you- sorry this is so embarrassing, could we cuddle? I totally understand if you don't want to cause it's such a weird thing to ask, but like if you're ok with it- I'm sorry I should just-"

"Sure"

Patton's eyes widen, "What?"

"Sure, we can cuddle. If it helps you feel better, why the fuck not?" The snek takes off the glasses, placing them on the coffee table. He scooches over on the loveseat, making room for Patton.

"Language" Patton taunts, smiling.

Janus waves their hand dismissively, continuing their spiel, "I am called the self-care menace, after all"

Patton giggles, "I like to think of you as the self-care snek boi instead, but sure, let's say you're the menace"

"Hush, let me keep at least some of my aesthetic. I might as well make some attempt."

"Alright, alright"

By this point, Patton has sat down and their limbs are intertwined snugly. Somehow, they've managed to make what would usually be an awkward situation into a comfortable one. The two sit in silence for a moment, just enjoying each others' company before Janus speaks up.

"So..."

"Yeah?" Patton shifts his head up slightly, showing he's paying attention.

"Who hurt you and where do they live? I'm not gonna do anything bad or anything, I'd just like to know" He curls one gloved hand into a fist.

"Janus!" the moral side exclaims, playfully punching the others' chest.

"What?! I told you I'm not gonna do anything bad, I might just give them a little nudge-"

"To be nicer to me? Aw, that's sw-"

"-down a flight of stairs"

Jolting- and nearly falling off the chair- Patton cries, "JANUS YOU SNEK"

"I told you," they reply, just a bit too calmly, "I'm not a snek, I'm a menace to society."

"You do realize that that's not helping your case, don't you?" Patton questions, turning around to look them in the eye.

"But this isn't news to you, we've already had a conversation about how I'm menacing." Janus refutes.

"Yes, but when you're talking about murder it would be better to be thought of as a snek than as a menace"

He shrugs, "Ah, well, I'll be caught at some point soon anyway, might as well go down without fear."

"You're not gonna put up a fight?" Patton demands, turning even further around.