How To Save A Life (Grey's Anatomy)

Chapter Thirty-Three

"Okay, enough!" I exclaim and the room goes silent, all eyes on me. Izzie hasn't opened her eyes yet and I'm guessing a hallucination has taken her far away. "This is not a discussion you should be having in front of a scared cancer patient. Let's give her a minute."

Derek nods slightly and I watch as the two doctors look at Izzie guiltily before turning to leave the room. Once the door has closed behind them I look toward Izzie who is still lost in her own head.

"Page us if she needs us," Meredith says to Alex before she and Cristina walk out of the room. I turn to Alex who is still holding her hand.

"What do you think she should do?" Alex turns to me, eyes pleading for an answer I'm not willing to give to him.

"It's not up to me. It's her decision." I mutter, before stepping away from the bed. "Page me, okay?"

He gives me a slight nod before I make my way out of the room. This is an impossible decision because either way, we risk losing her. She could either die and we lose her completely or she'll lose everything in her head that makes her who she is.

Later in the day when she had mustered up enough energy, she decided to go for a walk with all of us to discuss her options. Walking beside her seem to come naturally, wanting to make sure she has me as a railing if at any point she got too tired.

"If Derek cuts the tumour out, I could lose my memory, and if he doesn't, I could die." Izzie debates with herself as we follow her down the hallway. "I don't know what to do. Alex, tell me what to do." She demands, turning to face him, our pace slowing to a stop.

"Iz, I can't tell you what to do." He says softly and I know that even if he wanted to help her, he doesn't know what would be worse either.

"Of course you can." She laughs. "You're my husband. That's what husbands do. They stomp around telling their wives what to do. It's your job."

"No, my job is to support whatever you want to do." He says sternly, not wanting the weight of the choice on his shoulders.

"I don't know what I want to do." She says, voice cracking slightly and I step forward.

"Izzie, you don't have to decide right now," I say and she turns to me, hope in her eyes quickly diminishing.

"Here, how about we put it to a vote? All in favour of the surgery?" She says and Meredith is quick to shake her head in disagreement with the idea.

"No, we're not voting." She says quickly.

"Opposed?" Izzie tries again, looking around at all of us.

"I'm opposed," Cristina says quietly and we all turn to her in shock. "To voting." She finishes, Izzie's shoulders slumping.

"Just decide for me." She asks again, looking around at all of us.

"Izzie, just sit on it for a while. Weight your options." I say, putting a hand on her shoulder but she shrugs it away.

"I don't have time." She mutters, walking down the hall, leaving all of us in her wake.

∞∞∞∞∞∞

All of us decided to leave her alone for the afternoon, even Alex who was opposed to it at first. She needs time to sit with the facts before she throws herself at either option. They both have tremendous risk and she needs to be ready for it. I'm finishing a chart for one of my other patients when Derek walks over to me.

"Hey, I got approval for the WADA test if you want to go find your brother." He says and I nod before closing the chart and handing it to the nurse behind the desk.