The writer of my star

The tirade

Roy slowly started getting used to the new routine. Waking early and leaving with his father to the office.

Everyone in the office knew who he was, most of them had seen him since he was a child. His father was an excellent manager who made his company feel more like home. Most of the employees there were with his father for years, it was difficult for them to accept Roy as a new employee. For a lot of them, he was a child that they used to carry around when the company was still in its infancy stages.

He had followed a routine with a Jasmine also. This wasn't a new routine, it was an old routine. The only difference was their changed relationship. After work, he would go pick Jasmine from her work, they would go around the beaches and the cafes hand in hand.

Jasmine used to work at an architecture firm. She was excellent at her job, doing projects for many important people in the city. She was focused on interior design. Her clients loved her. She was able to transform their ideas into something amazing, something they couldn't even imagine was possible. Her passion and love for her job made it happen.

It had been a few months since they started dating. Jasmine wanted to keep it from their parents and friends. She wanted Roy to make sure if he is ready for it. She knew their parents will be too involved in the relationship if they came to know about it. She also knew, if they broke up, their families would never go back to the way they were. They both were trying to navigate through their life, trying to figure things out for themselves, without creating ripples around the thin waters they were treading.

Even though they had been together for a while now, physical intimacy was something Roy couldn't do. She waited patiently for him for the day he would be ready. She never tried to persuade him, she knew he will come around one day if she waited long enough.

Once in a while, they both would notice a bill board or an ad where Tomas was featured. Both of them chose to ignore the topic, without trying to make it awkward for either of them. Both of them pretended he never existed.

***

Tomas was busy in his work life too. He was getting busier and more famous as time passed by. He didn't meet his father for a while. Just like Roy, his father and that side of the family was something he didn't want to explore in to. It scared him more than anything. He was trying not to hurt himself. He wasn't ready to feel pain. He kept telling himself everything is okay, he is okay, he is happy, life is good. But that didn't take away from the lack of content he felt for himself that he rather not question.

***

It was just another day of their family meeting. Luna was seemingly quiet, a trait that wasn't attached to her anytime before. She was usually very pleasant and bubbly putting everyone around her in a jovial mood. After all, she was the family's youngest and most beloved little girl.

Tomas kept noticing it and he was waiting for a time they were alone to ask her. His busy schedule made it impossible to catch up with Luna on a regular basis. Seeing her this pensive suddenly made him feel guilty of being not involved with her as much. He didn't know if it was something he did intentionally trying to alienate everything close to him or something that happened as a by product of whatever was happening in the last few months of his.

When they were alone, he asked her to go on a walk with him in the garden.

She walked with him, both of them side by side, the loudness of silence growing between them.

He sat in a bench placed a little farther from the house. She sat beside him. She was looking down at the grasses and the fallen leaves. Her eyes were fixated on those, reluctant to look in any other direction.

"Max and I decided to break up." She spoke first time in the 15 minutes they were sitting down.

Tomas knew why. He didn't have to ask. He couldn't ask her to fight for her relationship either. He just held her close, trying not to disturb the air around them.

"Are you sure, that's what you want?"

Even though he knew the answer, he still asked her.

"I don't know. It's not easy to fight against dad and grand dad. You also know that." She replied tears rolling down her face, edging even more close to him.

He felt sadness erupting inside of him too. He knew he was neglecting her, even though he knew she was in a difficult situation. He knew his attempt at running away from Roy have costed people around him more than he can imagine. He couldn't apologise to them either. Because he didn't know how to apologise and what to tell them. Roy was his little secret. A secret only him and his aching heart knew.

Now, he has to start back picking up at the pieces his people left behind for him. He felt light and burdened at the same time. He didn't know what to do, he hadn't known for a while. He was just breathing, he was just existing, he wasn't living.

Without trying to advise her or console her, all he did was hold her and slowly pat on her hands with his hands wrapped around her shoulders. He was crying too, he didn't know if it was Luna or the pent up emotions from the last few months finding it's way out.

They sat there like that for a long time. They got up only when the sun started settling, painting the sky around them a hue of grey.

They both felt lighter, Luna didn't know why Tomas felt this hurt, but she knew for a long time, that there was something that ate away at her brother. She didn't know what. She wanted to give him time and she knew he will come around and tell her himself when the time was right.

***

Back home, Tomas tried to make a sense of the months that passed by. He knew leaving it untouched would only bring him more pain. He didn't know how to go about touching it also. It would mean chaos. He didn't know if they were the kind of chaos he wouldn't mind getting himself into. Should he throw stone at a still water knowing it would only bring up mud and dirt? He didn't know.

After months, he took his phone, scrolled down further down at his contact list to see the message he was used to see everyday before. He didn't expect any change to the message , he expected it to remain not received. That would comfort him, at least that's what he hoped.

Much to his dismay and surprise, he discovered the message delivered. Beside it, he saw the ticks that turned blue. The blue that meant seen, the blue that meant read. The blue that received no reaction.

Looking at the message, he started feeling those palpitations again. The blue ticks started pricking at his heart again making him feel lost and agitated. He sat there for a while staring at it trying to play mental tricks with it so that it will disappear. He wanted it gone. He wanted it gone bad. He didn't want to go through all he went through the past few months again.

Then slowly, like a lost dog who found his way back, he started typing letters that turned into words that turned into sentences that turned into a tirade at Roy, for his lost months.

On Roy's screen the green Italic letters that say typing followed by three dots stood staring at him.