Tua Aeng

Resolution Part 2 - Mew

"N'Gulf." I say, placing my forehead against his, my hands in his ear. I lift his head to look into his eyes. Both of us are crying, eyes swollen, red. "Please Bii, don't cry anymore. Phi is so sorry...he is so sorry." "Phi knows, he knows now, that you love him, and he is so sorry that he hurt you."

"I was wrong to push you away. I thought that I was doing what was best for you. God Bii." "When I first me you I didn't really think we'd get along. You looked so cold, so hard, but I saw how you reacted during the auditions, and I could see something hidden, and I was determined to breakthrough that shell. So, I engaged you. I played games with you. Pushed you until you let me in. But the more you opened-up to me, the more I could feel myself soften towards you. When you said that I would take care of you in that first interview, it shocked me. The amount of trust that you put into me shook me. I was so afraid Nong. I wasn't sure if I could live up to what you expected of me. I had already been through such a bad experience. I didn't want to repeat it but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't shut you out and I...fell for you."

"When Tharn/Type season 1 ended I fell apart. I didn't know how you felt about me, if you returned my feelings. I thought I was going to lose you and it was killing me. You were straight. You had recently come out of a relationship. How could you be in love with me? Would you even accept it if you were? Plus.....you were so young Bii."

"When P'Mame said there would be a second season I was so relieved I nearly broke down. I was so happy to get another chance to be with you, to love you, but I was still so scared Yah Nong, that you couldn't feel the same towards me. That I would be in the same position I was in before, that if it happened again my reputation would be sealed. That I would lose, not only you, but everything I worked so hard for. I saw you Boo, I saw you softening, I watched you change...grow. How you allowed me to care for you. I wanted it. I wanted, so badly for it to be real, but I had to be sure. I told myself that I had to be sure this time before I took that chance. Plus, I was scared that I was being selfish. That if I held onto you it would hold you back from progressing as far as you could in your career. I told myself that you had just fell into the trap, that you had transferred your characters feeling onto yourself. I convinced myself that you couldn't be sure, so I distanced myself. I had to make sure that your feelings wouldn't go away when we were no longer together every day. I told myself I was giving you a chance to be sure, but it was me who was scared, who was insecure. Me who didn't want to get my heart broken, who was afraid to be hurt, and in the end, I end up hurting the person I love the most. I am so sorry Gulf, that I hurt you, but I am also mad. I am mad that you didn't call me when things got bad. I'm mad at you for stopping P'Best from calling me. I asked him to look out for you, to call me when you needed me, but you stopped him. Why Bii? Did you think that I hated you? I'm mad at you for distancing yourself from your family. I'm mad at you for letting me get my way, for not fighting. That day I wanted you to fight harder, to scream at me, to hold unto me, to tell me that I was an idiot, and you love me. I overlooked all that the support and love you showed me and let my fear blind me to how much you changed for me, how different you were when you were with me. I am sorry Nong. I am sorry I hurt you. I will look closer, pay more attention, but I need you to feel comfortable enough to talk to me, shout at me, tell me when I am wrong. We need to be open with each other so that we can work past our problems and keep our relationship strong. Please forgive me Nong. Forgive Phi for being scared, for not seeing what you were trying, so hard, to show. Phi loves you...stay with Phi nah."