secrets ↠ demi lovato / 5h

[51]

tw // ED mention

unfortunately, while I had suddenly slowed down all my work and physical activity by resting in the hospital, my mind hadn't. I barely touched the hospital food, under the lie that it was gross or I was tired. I wasn't sure how I was going to avoid eating once we were back home, though. Demi had cancelled the rest of her tour and Naya was given time off filming to recover, so both of them were going to be at home constantly. I wouldn't be able to have the same freedom of going to the studio and spending lunch on my own either, since I didn't want to face the public and I couldn't get around properly with the wheelchair anyway. so ensued the thought that I felt the guiltiest for - I was just going have to lie my way around it and hide it and get up to all of those tricks again.

the whole matter about Demi wanting to talk to me about my family and Katelyn slipped from my mind as I wheeled myself into the family room to join Demi and Naya for a rewatch of NCIS (again). an hour and a half in, Demi was throwing popcorn up in the air and trying to catch it, Naya was asleep on her shoulder and I was already on my phone, on the Amazon app and adding ridiculous unnecessary things to my wishlist, suitably titled 'Ridiculous Unnecessary Things'. as soon as the popcorn was finished/on the floor and the episode was over, Demi switched the TV off, then pulled me over gently.

"hey, baby," she said. "can we talk?"

ah crap. 

"sure." I locked my new phone and slid it onto the coffee table unsurely.

"don't worry, sweetheart," Demi said, picking up my hand and tracing circles on my palm lightly. immediately, I thought back to The X Factor days, when I would sit on the couch at Demi's place, often panicking about the littlest things, and Demi holding my hands while I cried or watching me when I paced up and down the room in worry, or holding my hands while expressing how proud she was of me for my performance that night.

"time flies, huh?" Demi asked quietly, and I knew she was thinking about the same thing as I was.

"yeah," I said, my lips curving upwards.

"I got the news about your mother," Demi said quietly. "remember how we decided that we'd wait for her to recover before we decided to do anything?"

"yeah," I nodded, feeling my heart beat a bit faster. we had decided this the night before Naya came home, and we had all agreed.

"well," Demi said. she fidgeted. "she doesn't want to revoke custody, but she will go to court against us. the police has already found evidence of abuse and neglection for you and Katelyn."

I was silent for a moment. court? evidence? what about Mike?

"they're in the process of tracking your ex-stepfather down," Demi said, and I was nearly certain that she could read my mind at this stage.. "they have enough evidence against him to arrest him for different crimes."

"when did you get to know this?" I asked.

"a couple hours ago," Demi said. "when you were in the bathtub. blasting Fifth Harmony. you played BO$$, like, what, seven times in a row?"

"yeah, yeah," I muttered, averting my eyes. but internally, I was a mess of confusion. if Demi had only known about this today, what was it that Nurse Bri had warned me about?

"Demi's going to talk to you about something big. regarding... you, and your family."

yeah, but this was regarding my family. unless there was some sudden news from a distant relative who lived in Iowa that I never even knew about, I doubted that it was significant enough that I had to be warned about it.

but there was one other person in my family.

Katelyn.

---

for the next couple of weeks, I didn't ask about anything. I tried to focus on doing exercises to get my legs moving again, and played a lot of piano. I wanted to make the explanation video as soon as I could, but I didn't want to mention court or legal things. I filmed one or two covers, but didn't post them. as far as people were concerned, the three of us could still be in the hospital recovering right now. none of us were active on social media. the only people who knew we were out of hospital were our management teams, immediate family and the girls. and Taylor Swift. she sent us care packages, which was really nice of her.

one morning the weekend before Christmas, Demi called me over to the kitchen table, where she was sat. as I wheeled myself silently towards the table, I could see her from afar. the morning sunlight was shining on the table, and reflecting off her hair. her short hair, still maintaining the blue tint, was slightly messy from the night, and she was all bundled up in Hope Dealer sweatshirts and sweatpants. she perched cross-legged on a chair, with her hands full of papers. she scanned them, pushing up her glasses, then shuffled them around before rubbing a hand over her cheek.

"hi," I said quietly as I pushed myself in. Demi stood up to carry me to a chair, and I squirmed around until I was finally comfortable.

"morning, baby," Demi smiled warmly before she pushed me a mug of warm milk and a banana. I was grateful that she hadn't made a huge breakfast, because I really couldn't think of any more excuses to not eat. "slept well?"

tw // ED + weight mention

I made some sort of 'yes' noise while lifting the mug up to drink the milk. I was panicking inside. milk contained fat. I was going to become fat if I drank this. unsurely, I took the tiniest sip and pretended to swallow a huge gulp, then peeled back the banana as carefully as I could, trying to will Demi to keep talking.

"honey," Demi said, laying the papers facedown. she's so old.

"mmm?" I asked while nibbling a bit of banana off.

"can I be blunt about this?"

"sure," I said as nonchalantly as I could muster.

"they ran tests at the hospital after the acciden-"

"you're pregnant?" I blurted out, before slapping my hand over my mouth. "sorry. keep going."

Demi removed my hand from my mouth. "firstly, darling, it's impossible for me to be pregnant. that would require a man and his-"

"got it got it got it," I said, shushing her. "what's the news?"

"wait, wait," Demi said, rubbing my shoulder in circles. "slow down, honey. what's wrong? why are you so nervous?"

"I didn't do anything; nothing's wrong," I said, then mentally slapped myself. way to go, Lea. that doesn't make you sound guilty at all.

Demi looked at me, concerned. "shhhh, baby. shhhh." she picked my hand up again and drew circles on it with her finger, delicately, like if she pressed too hard I'd break.

I took a few deep breaths. "sorry. I don't know why I'm so jittery."

"do you want me to keep going?" Demi asked, definitely worried. "or do you want to talk about this another day?"

"no, it's fine," I said, biting a bit off the banana. "go ahead."

"well," Demi said, searching my face for clues on how I felt. "they ran tests at the hospital after the accident. they found that- that your b-body weight..." she bit her lip, creasing her brow and sighing. "you're borderline severely underweight again, Lea."

my heart plummeted. the banana I'd just eaten felt stuck in my throat. immediately, I dropped my gaze. I couldn't meet Demi's eyes.

I'd been found out, and I let Demi down.

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A/N:

oh gOD

I'm so, so sorry that this took so long. I was writing a future chapter at the same time as this, so hopefully that'll come sooner.

we're neaRLY AT 100K READS OH MY GODDDD I'M SO EXCITED FOR THIS TO HAPPEN

xoxo