It's Not Me//DT

》10《

Dear reader, some unhealthy eating habits are displayed in this chapter. If that's not something you can handle, then I wouldn't recommend, although I would like to say it's not as severe as you would see in other books. If you can handle it- happy reading and enjoy!

"I have to go, but like thanks a lot," I hugged Ethan before leaving his room. I stayed about 30 more minutes after getting to their house, crying only once more from being overwhelmed. It felt like I couldn't control anything. I ran back to my house.

After struggling to get back into my room, I lay down on the floor and just die. Die as in, just lay there and do nothing. And I laid there for about 2 hours. I felt like everything in my life that went wrong in my life was my fault.

I curled into a ball and wanted to just disappear. Everything was just absolute shit. Before the fake face, I had dreams of getting into an amazing college. The hope was down the drain the second Mom's car swerved on the road.

I slowly got on my bed and opened my laptop. I played a random show and just listened to it, I wasn't even watching it. I didn't know what was wrong with me, but it was like someone turned a switch off in my brain. I just wasn't the same and I couldn't control it and I didn't know why. I just felt overwhelmingly sad. Not depressed, but sad.

I still had work I needed to do, but that was the least of my worries. Time was going by slowly. It felt like every second was actually ten minutes. Sleeping away the sadness could work, so that's what I did.

I slept through my suspension. I lost about three pounds over that week. It was 7 school days meaning one school week and two days. I ate maybe 4 times throughout that time. I didn't get most of my work done, but I did see that Ethan finished the project without me. It looked really good, I was just sad I didn't get to finish it with him.

On the day I was supposed to go to school, I really didn't want to, but I had to. I looked a mess, but I didn't care. I still had Grayson's sweatpants and I was wearing them. I had on a black long sleeve t-shirt. I couldn't be as messy with my hair. I put it in a high puff and just left the house. Mom and Dad realized about a week ago that I wasn't doing so well mentally.

They left me to deal with it however I wanted. If I wanted to go to them I could have, but I didn't. I shoved some headphones in my ears and hoped that I would be left alone for the majority of the day. I felt icky, like I was living in someone else's body or something.

I needed motivation. I needed a purpose. Throughout the day, in the time I saw the twins, they could tell I wasn't the same. I felt bad about treating Grayson like that. I was in this phase of...who knows what? And I couldn't tell him why. I mean I didn't know why for sure, but "Elle" had something to do with it. I couldn't bring myself to actually look into the email Ethan sent me.

I couldn't go on, avoiding the truth with him. I either had to tell him or I would just lose him. It was my choice, and it was a no-brainer. I didn't want to lose him. Not yet. Not now.

We were in Art, the only class I had with both of the twins. "I think I'm gonna tell him," I admitted to Ethan. He simply looks at me and flashes his smile.

"Go ahead. Don't let me stop you."

I turned around in my seat to look at Grayson, who already happened to be looking at me. We, as a class, weren't doing anything and we had a sub, it was basically a free period.

I walked to him, fully knowing I looked like a rat. "I was wondering if we could talk?"

"Yeah, why not? Let's go into the hall?"

We walked out of the classroom and into the hallway away from everyone else.

"So," I started.