This Summer (DMBB Spin-off)

Chapter 37: I Just Wanted The High

"Can we just go?" I said, not able to look him in the eye. If I did, I'd have to face his disappointment.

"Uh...yeah," he said softly. "We can go."

Without another word, we walked out of the cemetery and back to the ranch. I didn't even get to see Cameron, just great. None of us broke the silence. Jacob just let me be in my own thoughts.

"Oh hey guys, how was your-"

Not waiting for Shawn to finish asking, I sped off to my room and shut the door behind me, breathing heavily. I paced around, grabbing my hair with the urge of ripping it out of my head. Finally, I stood still, and then I remembered that Hunter had given me something. Slipping my hand into my back pocket, I pulled out a tiny plastic bag. I poured the contents in my palm only to see that he had given me pills. Some of the ones he used to get for me, others new. When my eyes landed on two of them, I lost it.

I immediately let all of them go and they fell to the ground, clattering and scattering away from plain sight. The constriction in my chest grew, and I found myself struggling to breathe.

Calm down Shayley, that isn't you anymore.

I reached for the wall and slid down, trembling as the tears flowed down my face.

Suddenly, the door opened and Jacob stepped in. His eyes immediately moved to me in alarm. "Shayley?"

I managed to look up at him, but I couldn't say anything. I was hyperventilating.

Slowly, Jacob squatted down to my level. "Shayley, I'm going to need you to try and take in deep breaths okay?"

I nodded, focusing on his voice alone.

"Good, just like that," he continued carefully. "I'm here, and you're fine."

I tried, I really did, but I couldn't stop.

"You're doing great," he told me. "Just keep trying."

I held onto the leg of the dresser beside me and closed my eyes, trying to calm the erratic movement in my chest. I listened to his voice as he coached me through it.

"Okay, that's it," Jacob continued. "Just a couple more slow deep breaths."

Eventually, I found a rhythm and kept to it, breathing slowly like he was telling me to. I opened my eyes, which were still blurred with tears.

"Can I touch you?" he asked, and I nodded.

Immediately he moved over and engulfed me in his arms. I placed my head on his chest as I tried to bring myself to stop crying.

"You're okay," he whispered. "I've got you."

I closed my eyes once more and held onto his shirt. He was here, with me, and that's all I needed.

"Are you calm?" he asked once I became still.

I nodded and pulled out of his embrace, wiping the tears off my face. "Yeah."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"If I did you'd see me as a terrible person," I said softly.

He tucked lose strands of hair behind my ear. "I could never."

I sighed, and then brought my knees to my chin, wrapping my arms around them. "He gave me fentanyl."

"Drugs?"

I nodded. "Among other things. That's what he put in my pocket. I had my problems Jacob, but there were certain drugs I could never bring myself to try. And fentanyl, I swore I'd never try again."