Together, we heal | Levi Ackerman

༅ 17. The Lies We Tell

Life in the Underground, Part 11: The Lies We Tell

Year 844

"Are you really sure you'd rather stay here than move to the hideout with us?"

"For the upteenth time, Furlan," Vanya sighed exhaustedly as she slouched further onto her beaten up couch. "I'm not ready to leave this home just yet."

The redhead watched Furlan crossing his arms in restlessness as he sat on top of one of the dusty wooden crates that kept her solvents for medicines. He wasn't too eager about Vanya's sudden decision to stay at her small family house, considering how volatile her physical, mental, and emotional health were. As much as the man didn't want to treat her like a child, he couldn't help but overthink about the severe scenarios that could happen if they left Vanya all alone. What if one day, the pain gets too unbearable that she couldn't stand anymore? How would she call for help? Who would feed her when no one else is in the house to do it for her? And what if she'd die from starvation if ever that happens all because she couldn't stand and feed herself?

Furlan shook his heads from those grueling thoughts. In all honesty, more than finding it risky and impractical, he rather found Vanya's decision to be quite suspicious, most especially the timing. After her mother's death, she had been cooped up at the hideout for two straight months, where she was tended with utmost care and support by her best friends. And now Vanya suddenly wanted to move out to the very place where she'll be constantly reminded of the bittersweet memories of her mother when they all knew she hadn't completely healed yet from her grief.

Of course, everyone had their own stages and approaches to grieving. But Furlan couldn't help but find Vanya's approach to be too suspicious.

"But, sis, you'd be alone," Isabel pouted, bouncing onto the couch at the spot right next to the older woman.

Vanya forced a small smile to hide the slightest hint of sadness she felt upon hearing the word alone. "But I won't be lonely," she mumbled passively as her eyes glazed over the threadbare space of the room: the space where a family of four once stayed happily.

Empty chairs, the dining table where endearing conversations and laughter ensued over measly meals, Lily humming at the kitchen, 14-year-old Cedric chasing her 8-year-old self into their now hollow bedroom, and Edward brewing a special cough medicine at the living room as her naive self observed from the side with wondrous eyes.

Back then when Vanya was younger, she used to think that her shanty childhood home was so small for the four of them. Even if Edward would stay most of the time on the surface, it still felt too small to shelter all her precious moments with Cedric and their mother. But now, as 21-year-old Vanya looked around her, she suddenly realized how big and overwhelming their dilapidated house was. Four chairs at the dining area, two creaky beds in her bedroom, and another small bedroom adjacent to it -- Vanya had all these things but lost the people to share it with. And only then did she realize that her house was big enough for her to realize the depths of her aloneness and loneliness.

Funny how her younger self would always complain about their small house. It's too small for hide-and-seek, she'd whine with her obnoxious voice. But now, with everyone leaving her behind, she had more space than she needed to hide herself in the shadows from the outside world. Always looking out, but never stepping out.

"I'm not lonely..." she whispered to herself, hoping that feeding herself with a lie would make her words come true.

"What's your color today?" asked Furlan, who noticed Vanya's eyes so crestfallen.