a christmas break | draco malfoy - 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐃

31

Christmas break was soon closing in and coming to an end, resulting in Draco'a anxieties to take over him in every way possible. First, he barely ate off his plate. Secondly, though he had worked tirelessly on the cabinet, he was nowhere near finishing it. And third, he tried so desperately to stay away from her. But, couldn't.

There was a rock, no, a boulder on his chest, pushing him lower to sink in an endless, deep and dark ocean of thoughts. It felt like he was underwater and the top was frozen. He couldn't get out. And he was running short on air.

"Breathe in..." he did so, "And out," he exhaled. The lightness in his head was intoxicating, feeling like he was drunk on memories and past trauma. It was pleasant but also frightening.

"Lilith, this isn't working," he broke out, opening his eyes, "I don't think breathing will help me here."

"You're not just breathing, Draco, you're exploring your mind. In order to do so, you must be calm," she explained, "And to calm yourself, you need to breathe."

Draco let out a huff, letting his head fall back and hang. His heels dug into the stone floor, making the chair slightly rock backwards and then forwards. He listened to Astera's fingers shuffle through books, the pages sliding against one another.

"Say, Lilith," he propped himself back, "What do you know about Vanishing Cabinets?"

"Everything," she said, not looking up, "Why?" her finger glided against a page, her lips slightly moving as she read it.

"Let's say the Cabinet is broken. How'd you fix it?"

She closed the book and put it on a dusty nightstand. Her mind raced as Draco watched her think, noticing how her lip curls as she collects her thoughts, "There's spells, I believe."

Draco listened closely as she spoke, but most, if not all of the spells she mentioned, he has already used. And all of those spells were scratched away on his torn parchment. He was aware that if Astera didn't have the answer, he might not be able to mend the cabinet.

"... But most weren't so effective. I remember seeing a few other spells but I'll have to check the library for the book," she finished, finally turning to look at him, "Why ask, though?"

Draco shrugged, swallowing the bitter taste of guilt in his mouth as he opened it to speak, "I just remember Snape mentioned them. Got me thinking, you know?"

She slowly nodded.

Astera wasn't stupid. Snape rarely mentioned things out of the subject he teaches. Besides, she had Snape's class with him, and she remembered every lesson from beginning to end. Why was he lying?

Draco noticed her go quiet. Damn it, he thought to himself, she isn't stupid. He wanted to break her out of those things and ideas in her mind. He didn't want her debunking him and knowing his secrets.

"Lilith," he spoke up loudly, shaking her out of it, "Where'd you go?"

She shook her head, a small smile on her lips, "Nowhere, I was just trying to remember the book." Liar.

Draco stood up from his chair, pulling down at the sweater he wore over a white blouse. She watched him from the corner of her eye, finally looking up at him when he was close enough, "Don't fly off like that."

She pursed her lips as he spoke, staring at the knitted patterns on his sweater and following them. His ringed fingers ran themselves through her hair, noticing her eyes close at the touch. His other hand held her forearm, running his thumb over it in circles.

"Draco?"

"Lilith."

"May I ask you something?"

He let out a breath, smiling, "When has my answer ever stopped you from asking questions?"

She nodded jokingly, her finger running along his chest, over his warm sweater, "Why did you kiss me?"

He stopped his hand in her hair, his thumb no longer tracing circles on her skin. Draco's eyes went a shade colder, making her own eyes turn a shade darker, softening them under his gaze. He felt a breath of anxiety come out of his nose.

"Because I wanted to."

"That can't be the only reason."

Draco let her go, turning his back to her, "Why do things have to go deeper in meaning for you, Lilith? Can't you just accept it?"

"No, Draco, I can't," she said, "Because you went from not being able to sit next to me for days to someone affectionate and sweet and loving." he knew she was right, though never admitted it.

"You suddenly became... Different. Now, I don't know if that's how you really are or-"

"Exactly, Lilith," he abruptly turned around, his pupils staring harshly into hers, "You have no idea who I am."

"Then help me understand," she almost pleaded, "I said I wanted to be your friend and we both knew that wasn't possible. We can't be just friends."

Draco was quiet, alarmingly quiet. He held his elbow up on the top of his palm as he nibbled at the skin around his nail. Closing his eyes, he had to restrain himself from lashing out. She was right. She always was and he hated that. He hated how true she was and how painfully tolerant she was with him. He hated how she was still here and how she didn't give up on him.

He felt like a gray cloud was over him. Pouring rain and thunder and then her hand planted itself on his shoulder, showing him a clear sky with stars during the night and sun during the day. He turned around as she gently nudged him, her left hand taking his finger away from his mouth. His eyes opened slowly, firstly stating at the ground and then gently looking up from her chest, to her neck and finally her eyes.

"Come on," she whispered, "Talk to me."

She practically begged. Draco shook his head, his brows furrowed and his lashes hiding the eyes she favoured over anyone else's.

"I can't."

Her arm dropped from his shoulder and down to her side. She dipped her head down, a pinch of pain hurting her chest, tearing at her heartstrings. Draco was waiting for her to shout, to tell him how he was mean and arrogant and an arse. To walk away and not speak to him anymore. He wanted her to push him, to scream and throw a spell, knocking him off his feet.

Instead, she pulled her head up, her chin up and grabbed his arm tenderly. She took both of his arms in hers, her fingers barely wrapping themselves around him. Draco watched confused. She lifted them up and put them on her shoulders, stepping closer and wrapping her arms around his waist, resting her head on his shoulder.

Draco's eyes stung, a tear threatening to trickle down his cheek. His shakey hands relaxed after a moment, one on the back of her head and the other on her back. He closed his eyes shut, putting his head on her shoulder, in her hair and inhaling her scent. She heard him sniff, his breath becoming unsteady as his lips left a sob out without his consent.

"It's okay, Draco..." her hand rubbed up and down against his back, his hold becoming tighter around her, "It's okay."

That day, Draco had been hugged for the first time in months. He didn't cry because he was sad or angry. He cried because she reminded him of his mother, a woman he dearly missed. He cried because no student has been this kind to him.

He cried because he didn't just kiss her because she was beautiful, but because his love for her grew every moment he spent with her.