Sonata No.9 | MYG 🔞

48| Homesick

Soundtrack: String Quintet in E flat Major, Op.97 'The American' III Larghetto by Antonin Dvorak

The first few weeks were brutal. Truly, Yoongi had never understood loss until he had to live a continent away from Victoria.

At first, her absence was crushing, overwhelming and omniscient, taking so much space and creating a void so big he felt like there was a giant crater into his life; a vacant zone which gave him symptoms strangely similar to withdrawal. The worst ones were depression and insomnia. Things as simple as getting out of bed to go to work became unbearably painful. He felt only half-himself without her, like she had left the shell of his body behind but had taken a good chunk of his soul, everything bright and sunny to leave the murky and dark behind.

And the darkness, Yoongi knew it very well. Him, who had always struggled a bit but had managed to keep his head above the surface, had learned with Victoria what it felt like to simply lie on the waters of life and let the current keep him afloat. Now that she was gone, he was once again plunged into cold and unknown waters, but soon realized he had entirely forgot how to swim, his brain completely relying on her to keep him breathing.

He couldn't live without her. He just didn't know how.

His heart ached for the first month. It was physically painful, like an open wound, and he would often find himself grabbing his chest and wincing, the sound of her voice through the phone only remedy to his incessant heart brokenness. However, hearing from her only made things worse afterwards, when they would hang up and he would find himself once again as alone as ever.

Things did get a little better as days went by. Sleeping and eating got easier and he slowly got accustomed to not having her around.

However, even after a few months, when he saw something funny, or pretty, or remotely interesting, his first reflex was to look around so he could tell her about it. Then he would remember she wasn't there, which always left him rather bitter.

One time, finding a sock that belonged to her under the couch made him cry.

He missed her so much. He missed her like he had never missed anything else before, like he would have missed a part of his body that had been cut off.

Still, he couldn't leave Paris to get to her. He had signed a contract with his disk company forbidding him from skipping town until he would be done with his current projects. They had added that clause after he had gone to Korea because of his drug scandal years before, and had always kept it there, like they knew something similar would happen again if they didn't.

Anyway, who was he kidding, Victoria was doing fantastic without him.

Every phone call they had, every Facetime was about how much fun she was having and all of the new friends she had made, how amazing her teachers were and how much she was learning. Even through the screen, Yoongi could see how bright and shiny she was; complete despite his absence.

He was beyond happy for her, he really was, but her contentment with the situation was also driving him crazy.

If it had only been of him, he would have broken his contract a long time ago to take the first flight to Sydney. However, this didn't seem to be her wish, and even though she told him many times that she missed him dearly, he knew it in his heart that if he ended his contract to visit her, Victoria wouldn't be happy he let his career down for her sake.

For the first time, Yoongi realized how right Taehyung was when saying their relationship wasn't exactly normal. This level of attachment towards someone wasn't healthy. It wasn't fair that he felt physically impaired as a result of her absence, just like a drug addict would go into shock without their fix. Except his drug was a tall, elongated girl with long shiny raven hair and eyes detaining all the secrets to his soul.