I'm Sorry (Taekook)

four

The next morning, Jungkook stand i fronted of the main door, waiting for Taehyung to come out. When he did, he was surprised to see Jungkook there. " what are you doing here? " Taehyung said, rose an eyebrow up. " I want to talk to you." Jungkook whispered and gulping. He was nervous. " I'm late. We'll talk later. See you." Taehyung said and go. Jungkook's heart ached, he want to make up with taehyung. He know that won't be easy. But he has to try.

~~••~~

After Jungkook send Erin home, he walk back to home. Yes, Erin come over again and made him cut his arms and thighs. Jungkook believe she was the only one he could rely on. And if he doesn't do what he was told, Erin will leave him.

Once jungkook reach home, he look for Taehyung but can't found him. He go to his parents office room and saw his mom infront of her laptop. "mom, where is hyung? " " He is at jimin's house. They are having some project to work on. " she replied. Jungkook go out and closed the door. " did he purposely avoid me? " he ask himself.

Jimin is Taehyung's best friend. He would come over to their house often but not as much as Erin did. Jimin try to be friendly to Jungkook but got ignored by the younger. He was always in his room. Even when his parents throwing some small party, he will lock himself in his room.

Jungkook decide to take a quick shower while waiting for Taehyung.

Jungkook was doing his homework when he heard steps outside his room. He rush out and saw Taehyung open his bedroom door. "hyung. " "what do you want? Im tired. " taehyung said, eyes looking tired as hell. " you said we will talk. " jungkook said head dropping. "can't it be tomorrow? I'm tired. Let's just talk tomorrow. " with that taehyung shut his door closed leaving jungkook.

Jungkook know it was all his fault. Taehyung must can't accept that a guy having a feeling on him. And also the guy was supposed to be his brother.

Jungkook try to make up things but Taehyung always push him away. He keep avoiding him.

Jungkook doing everything for him. He give Taehyung his favorite video games that he know the older love to play but won't ask for it and study instead.

Jungkook give in when Taehyung want to go to hawaii for their family trip when he want to go somewhere else.

He help Taehyung to do chores when it was his turn to do the house chores.

He make Taehyung's favorite chocolate cake. He make Taehyung's breakfast every morning. (They make breakfast themselves or buy it because their parents always busy.)

But Taehyung would push all of his hardwork away. He doesn't even eat the chocolate cake or breakfast. He would scolded jungkook for help him.

" Hyung, please. I just wanna make up with you. I'm tired of fighting. Please. " Jungkook cry infront of Taehyung's bedroom door. Banging it softly. " Hyung. Please. " he sobs. " If you d-don't love me back, i-it's okay. We can j-just be b-brothers. " jungkook chocked on his sobs.

He got startled when the door was open abruptly. Taehyung look down at him and walk pass him, not bothering to say anything to him. He walk out of the house.

Jungkook's cry got louder and harsher. He tried to stand up and go to his room. With trembles legs, he make it to his bed. He cover his sobs with the pillow.

"Jungkook, if you feel any pain, you could always cut yourself. It make the pain go away. Trust me. "

Erin's words repeatedly played on his mind. He take out the box under the bed. He slashed his arms with the sharp and shiny blade making his arms go numb.

He then stop himself when he hear his parents bickering playfully downstairs. He stood up and walk to the door. Locking it slowly before clean the mess he made. He sat on the bed looking blankly at the wall infront him. He cry again when he remembers what Erin said.

No one ever gonna love him.
He is useless.
He is disappointment.
Ugly.
He doesn't deserve love.

KILL YOURSELF
KILL YOURSELF
KILL YOURSELF
KILL YOURSELF
KILL YOURSELF
KILL YOURSELF
KILL YOURSELF

He muffled his screams into the pillow. His heart ached, he hit his chest hard a few time because it's hurt so much. Jungkook cry himself to sleep.

He was tired.
Exhausted.
By both emotionally and physically.
He want to die.
He want to disappear.
He wish he never exist.

Jungkook tried to commit suicide many times but fail. He still love his parents and Taehyung. Yes, he tried to make up with taehyung after so many years but Taehyung just push him away. He still hoping that one day, they will love him. Taehyung will accept his love. He regret that he was hating Taehyung when they were kid. He regret feeling jealous over Taehyung because his parents. He doesn't want to be prioritize by his parents anymore. All he want just loves from Taehyung and his parents. That's all he want.

It was quite a bit sad that a child begging for his parents love. They seems to give anything he want but actually he just need their love which he was crave for. Just love and attention.