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1.1K 37 5
                                    

Word Count: 1019

Warnings: Cussing, being used, not allowed to be who you are.

Song for chapter 8 - "The Lazy Song" by Bruno Mars.

***

First day of winter holidays.

I inhaled the fresh air that was freedom. It was already 4 PM, but I was still laying in my bed, too mentally exhausted to get up. A few mental breakdowns was all it took until winter break came along. I hoped that I would wind off during the break, since school slowly took away my sanity. I had thankfully passed all my exams.

I had hung out with Beverly and Mike only a few times before break, but I hung out with Alyssa and Richie the most, since we had classes together. If it wouldn't be snowing like crazy, we could have all hung out more. I thrived off of alone time, but would give everything and anything to hang out with all of the losers club again, including Alyssa.

Alyssa and I had begun to become really great friends, despite Greta and William giving us shit for it. Alyssa was always acting like a mom, trying to keep me out of my bad habits and dangerous situations. She was annoying sometimes, but I really appreciated her looking out for me.

I shook my head, trying to get rid of any thoughts. Break was for complete relaxation and I shouldn't be thinking too much and hard about something unrelated to holidays for now, because it causes stress. I'm going to take time for myself and my mental health this break, I told myself.

"Sweetie, you've been in there the whole day. Do you need me to bring you some food?" I heard my mom ask outside of my room.

"No, I'm fine," I said, not feeling hungry in the slightest way.

I couldn't think of what to do and felt extremely bored, but I was grateful to be away from school. I debated on getting out of my bed to go to the restroom, but my body felt too heavy, I couldn't muster up motivation to do so. I sighed, flopping back down on the bed after my attempts to get up. I have no idea how people wake up every morning.

Eventually, I would starve or my bladder would explode (I mean, I can piss on the bed, but my mom would kill me for it), so I would have to get up anyway. I didn't want to be on the news from dying of something so idiotic. That somehow finally got me willing to get out of bed. I went to the restroom to take care of shitting business and then right after, went to the kitchen, where my mom was cleaning dishes in at the moment.

"You look like a walking corpse, you should go clean yourself up," My mom said, checking my appearance.

"Mom, it's break," I reminded her.

"I don't care if it's break, you have to stay clean either way. Please, for my sake," She scolded me.

"Mom, I just want to eat."

"I'm not letting you near the table until you finish cleaning up." She ushered me out of the kitchen with her hands, that were covered in soap. I sighed, walking over to the bathroom.

It was cold, but I started shivering even more when I stepped inside the bathroom. I was too afraid to imagine how cold it would be to step out of the shower. I grabbed as many towels, as I could and put them on the hanger next to the shower.

***

A shower was the best place to come up with ideas. Instead, my mind was the definition of chaos today. I quietly hummed the tune of some song I had heard on the radio a few days ago, hoping that nobody would hear me. A shower was supposed to be relaxing, but it made me only more anxious, because it made me think and thinking somehow led to all the possible ways of how I could die.

After I had been finished with showering, I walked to the kitchen, hoping that my mom would finally allow me to eat. Thankfully, my mom did in fact allow me to eat, but she had made lunch and put the breakfast in the fridge, because it was already past 5 PM. I sat down and began eating lunch.

"How was school?" My mom asked me, trying to make a conversation while eating lunch as well.

"I passed all of my exams, so I guess everything's-"

"No, I'm not asking about exams. I'm asking how you feel in school. Do you have any new friends?" She asked me again.

"I feel pretty good at school and yes, mom, I got a new friend. She's new in our school," I told my mom.

"What's her name?"

"Alyssa,"

"I'm hoping that she's a good person, it wouldn't hurt to have some good influence on you," My mom said and I looked up from my food to glare at her.

"I'm my own person and I'm not letting anyone change me!" I snapped at her.

"Y/N, you get in lots and lots of trouble at school. I have to talk with the principal and your teachers about your behaviour so often and I'm a little sick of it. Can you please become more polite?" My mom turned to me, now completely ignoring her food as well.

"I'm trying to, I really am! It's just not working out..." I lied.

"Think about how you act with your friends. You're a lot more nicer to them rather than the teachers, right? Well, just pretend that the teachers are your friends. They don't want to be there just as much, as you, but they need to do it, because they need the money to make lives of their own." My mom spoke to me as if I was a five year old, who didn't understand anything.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll try to be nicer, mom," I said, zoning out, because of her lecture.

"No, you will be nicer, not try to. Trying didn't work out last time, did it? That's why you WILL be nicer." She told me and I inwardly screamed out of frustration.

"Yeah, sure, I will be nicer."

***

You can probably tell that I write these chapters on the verge of sleep, that's why it's all so sloppy and has quite a lot of mistakes. I apologize, I'll try to pay more attention to what I'm writing. Also, thank you for 1k views! I'm not going to post a separate announcement for it yet, because those views are together with all the notes, so technically the 1k is not only for the story yet.

Also, maybe how I took a long hiatus actually was for the better, because I accidentally aligned the story time with real time.

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