MEGALOMANIAC. five hargreeves [2]

twenty nine. "problem."

EDITED DECEMBER 13 2021

WARNING: boner

ACCEPTING A DEAL FROM THE DEVIL. Eight never knew that it would come to this point but both she and Five were desperate: Reginald was basically no help and the rest of their family weren't doing anything to help them: so this was basically all they got at this point - The Handler.

The devil in heels.

Eight sighed, knocking on the door three times, which made Five give her a look of confusion. The girl usually just blew the door down but this was different.

"Why are you knocking?" he questioned, placing his hands in his pockets.

"She could be doing inappropriate shit in there. I'm just being safe. I don't wanna see her touch—"

The door opened, and there stood the Handler with the proud smirk that Eight so desperately wanted to rip off etched on her face. "Ah. Just in time for a nightcap."

The two of them warily went in the door, staring at the surroundings to see if there was anyone waiting there to jump them. Fortunately, there wasn't any. Eight quickly made the doors shut as she stared at the handler up and down beside Five. The tall woman handed the two of them drinks, but they both ignored it.

"To be clear, we take out the board.. you get me and our family home." Five repeated once again. "No more doomsday, no more apocalypse. Is that correct?"

The Handler fell down her bed with a smirk on her face. "That's the deal."

"Are you sure you wanna accept this?" Five questioned Eight, who just nodded. At this point, they had little to no options so they needed to do anything they could. Either die or this.

"Yeah. I'm sure." Eight mumbled, staring at the paper the handler had in her hand. She quickly ripped it off her fingers, eyes scanning the small white paper.

The Lonely Lodge Inn
Oshkosh, Wisconsin 1982

—

Eight and Five walked through the old town, the two of them silently judging the people's poor fashion choices. Eight stared at the paper in her hand, staring at Five. "Is this the right place?"

"Sure is." Five replied, which made Eight shove the paper into his pocket, as she couldn't find any pockets in her dress. Five let out an awkward cough, which made her raise her eyes in slight confusion until she finally got it.

"Oh." she mumbled, trying to not look at him as she felt awkward too. Eight took a handkerchief that was sticking out of a strangers pocket and handed it over to Five so he could cover up his problem.

"Excuse me." Eight told one of the ladies once they were in, plastering a fake smile on her face. The woman gasped, her overly red lips turning into an O shape. "Uff da. You snuck up on me there. If you're looking for the cookies, we don't put 'em out till 3:00."

"I don't give a fuck about the goddamn cookies." Eight hissed, which Five responded to shoving her. He gave her a look which she instantly understood.

"Uh, do you happen to know where the Midwest Soybean Society is meeting?" Five talked this time. The woman gave Eight a judging look before beaming at Five. "Sure do. Muskellunge Banquet Room. Are you looking for your mom? She in for the convention?"

Five ignored her, taking a dollar out of his pocket with his free hand. "Hey, could I get some change?"

"Oh, sure, I'll just look in my purse. Since you're a good boy, after all. Unlike someone." the woman rolled her eyes at Eight, who scoffed.

"Siver me timbers," she mumbled with sarcasm.

"Only a nickel and a couple of dimes." the woman stated, until her eyes brightened. "Oh! You... are... in... luck, mister." she smiled, handing Five the coins.

"You know, some say the best luck is to die at the right time."

Eight mentally facepalmed, dragging Five out of the area. "What was that for?" she questioned.

"Why are you asking me? I'm not the one who cursed out at the kind lady who was just trying to help."

Eight scoffed, letting go of his hand. "You're the one to talk, Mr. I-just-got-a-boner-because-someone-shoved-her-hand-in-my-pocket."

"I'm in a body of a teenager! I get turned on from anything!"

Eight rolled her eyes, following him as he walked to the vending machine. "Sure you do."

Five inserted the coins into the machine, rolling his eyes when the candy didn't drop. He quickly pressed the buttons in rage, but it wasn't working still. He then resorted to shaking the machine violently.

"Fuckin' fudge nutter!" he exclaimed, kicking it until the glass broke.

Eight stifled out a giggle as she saw him get annoyed over a candy bar. "You could've just asked me to help you."

Five sighed, leaving the fudge nutter alone. Eight shrugged as she took a bag of salted chips as Five grabbed an ax from the sideline.

"You ready?" he questioned, staring at Eight. The girl opened the bag of chips, looking down on his problem. "I'm ready. I don't think you are though."

"It'll go away." he mumbled, opening the door.

They were met with the many faces of the commission employees.

"I'll take the left side, you take the right." Eight mumbled, grabbing a knife that she spotted on the table beside her that was made for decoration, and slicing the first man's neck.

The girl giggled, grabbing the tennis racket she saw that was hung up and continuously banging it onto the second man's head until she focused with all her might and made the knife plunge into his heart.

Eight then gave the next guy a huge grin as she bodyslammed him into the floor, stabbing both his eyes with her knife. The girl then slammed the two remaining men's heads into the table, after that making them fly into the chandelier.

The girl looked over Five, who had just finished chopping the last man's body in half. The girl stood in her position, only for AJ to slowly peek out of it.

"Hello there, fishy." she giggled, about to slam his stupid head into the wall until the woman from a while ago tackled the two of them into the floor.

Eight quickly elbowed the girl in her boobs, then proceeded to slam her nose into the table. Once she was unconscious, the two of them ran towards AJ who was laughing, thinking he had escaped the two.

"Hey there, fishy." Eight giggled. AJ was about to offer them more until the girl took his body and slammed the tennis racket into his head with all of her might, leaving him dead.

Five grabbed the fish, placing it into a plastic bag he had ready.

Two women came in, gasping at the sight of Eight and Five both covered in blood from head to toe.

"Hey." Eight giggled, taking a fudge nutter out of the vending machine.

AUTHORS NOTE
not related but what hogwarts house do u think eight is in lol