A Second Night - N.Beck

21 | selfish

-l i l a-

The tight hold on my waist allows a small sigh to escape. In any other situation, I would be freaking out, but like I said, this tight grasp made me feel safer. Safer than I had ever felt. I turned back to look at Noah to avoid the sight in front of me.

Who convinced me that this would be okay?

Oh yeah, Brynn. I have to remember to yell at her when I feel okay enough to open my eyes.

For some odd reason, I allowed myself to believe that going on this Ferris wheel was a good idea. But I continue to blame Brynn frickin' Kelsey.

"Come on Lila, you'll be fine." Brynn convinces, or I should say try's. She tries to convince me, but I'm not falling for it this time. I keep my eyes shut and nuzzle my face in Noah's chest causing a laugh to erupt, which shook me too.

Clearly, I wasn't over this fear of heights yet, and I don't know if I ever will be at this point. It's just a Ferris wheel, just a Ferris wheel, I keep reminding myself. But that's not helping.

The only thing that is in fact helping, is once again, Noah's presence near me. Suddenly, we are abruptly stopped, causing a tiny squeak to leave my mouth. Brynn laughs along with Blake, and from what I could see, Noah was grinning down at me.

"This isn't funny! Why did we stop?" I almost shriek out, and after Brynn calms down from her fit of giggles, she responds. "We're at the very top, which is why we stop." She explains and I groan.

I find my spot back in Noah's chest as he runs his fingers through my hair. "I'm never coming to a fair with you guys again." I say, but it comes out as a mumble due to me being pressed to Noah's shirt. "Oh come on, Lila." Blake says and I take a quick minute to glare at him.

"Oh jeez, okay." He holds his hands up in mock surrender. "I tried, baby." he says, turning to Brynn.

The cart we are in starts to shake and finally moves once again. I let myself believe everything will be okay. And I knew it was overreacting, but come on! We are up so high! I rest my head on Noah's shoulder to which he rests his head on mine. I sigh contently, feeling much safer than I did a second ago. Something only Noah's presence could do to me. "I love you." he quietly whispers.

I grin up at him and place a small peck on his lips. "I love you."

"Aww." Blake's teasing voice breaks our gaze on each other. "Noah's in love. Didn't think I'd see the day." he teases and Noah growls at him.

"You're lucky my girl needs me beside her, 'cause otherwise I'd beat the fuck out of you." he says and Blake laughs.

And for the first time in forever--frozen reference-- I actually felt absolute happiness in my life.

Little did I know, soon enough, that would change.

...

Noah insisted I stay at his place with him—wait, insisted? More like demanded. But I had a lot of work to do, hence why the two boys just dropped Brynn and I off to our place. When we enter the house, Brynn turns to me with a large smile.

One I found extremely creepy, the type a serial killer would give me. I let out a nervous laugh. "Whats up?" I ask.

"He's so good with you. You know I didn't think he would be, and I'm sorry I did, because I've never seen him as happy as he is with you. And the way he looks at you...I'm just so happy to see you happy." she says and I pull her to a hug as fast as I can.

"I couldn't imagine how I'd be without him." I whisper. Life with Sean was different. Sure I was happy at the time, but I was happy with what I thought was my only opportunity at love.

With Noah, it's like everyday is part of the honeymoon stage. But honeymoon stages come to an end right? I figure they do.

The night goes on with me finishing some notes I took in a lecture and studying them for the test. Brynn watched Gilmore Girls beside me, as I casually looked at the screen a couple thousand times.

The next morning, I wake up and get ready to head over to Sway. Usually, Brynn would go with me, but today she had work, so I quickly drop her off and go to meet Noah.

After being invited in by Bryce, I am pulled into a large hug by Noah, as I enter his room. "I haven't see you in too long." he whisper against my hair.

"I missed you." Although I just saw him last night when he dropped us off after the carnival, I missed him a lot. I didn't know that feeling was possible.

Turns out it was.

"Let's watch a movie," he leads me to his bed and turns on the TV in front of us. As I scroll through, deciding on what to watch, he trails soft yet firm kisses all over my arms to my neck. "Noah," I breathlessly say.

He smirks at my full-red face and pulls away after placing one more kiss on my shoulder. "Sorry." he murmurs, but the devilish look on his face shows exactly how sorry he is. Fact of the matter is, he is most definitely not sorry.

Half way in the movie, "White Chicks" he gets a phone call. When checking who the screen showed, he groaned loudly before pausing the movie and picking up. "Yeah?" he asks on the phone.

After a short pause, he continues."Is mom there?"

Another quick pause, and then,"Then I'm good, bye." he says quickly, and turns off the phone.

I try to mask my questioning look as he turns to me, not wanting to push if he didn't feel ready enough to tell me. He sighs. "It was my dad." he answers my unvoiced question.

"What did he want?" this time I do voice my confusion.

"He wanted me to come to dinner." he replies curtly. "But mom isn't home this weekend, and there is no way in hell I can go a whole dinner with dad, but without mom." he replies and I get the sense that Noah over here is a mama's boy.

I didn't want to seem like someone whose overstepping there rights. But I wanted to know what made Noah so upset, and as a girlfriend, it was okay to ask right? I took a breath and a leap of faith.

"Why do you still talk to your dad if you hate him so much?"

"I don't want to, believe me I don't want to. But I guess I have selfish reasons. Very, selfish reasons." he stops, taking a deep breath to prepare himself. Was he thinking I would judge him?

I put a hand on his and squeeze it, and he shines a very small smile. "I guess I need him in a way. He holds the power to my trust fund." he says.

He looks at me vulnerably. "There, it's out now. The main reason I talk to my dad is so I can get my trust fund and leave his ass afterwards. How selfish do you think I am?" he asks, coldly.

I flinch a bit at his tone, but let out a laugh nonetheless. "I don't think bad of you." I say, sternly. "What's the other reason?" I ask.

His hand stops from drawing patterns on mine and he meets my eyes. "Hmm?" he hums in place of a question.

"You said the main reason you stay in contact is the trust fund, but whats the smaller one?" I ask.

He sighs. "My dad...isn't physically abusive. But, verbally, I think he might be in the future. He isn't to my mom yet, but what if he is later? I need to be there for my mom. I love her too much to let leave her alone with the ass." He says, and I feel my eyes almost wanting to water.

"You're not selfish Noah. That proves you're not selfish." I reassure him and he meets my eyes.

"I couldn't imagine how I'd handle this without you Lila." He whispers. It was almost impossible to hear.

"I want to be here for you whenever you'd let me." I say, running the palms of my hands on his cheeks.

"Thank you." He lowly says, covering my hands with his large ones.

"I love you." he adds. I smile and peck his lips. "I love you too."

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Ok y'all Ik nothing is happening lately, but just thought I'd throw in some cute scenes before stuff happens LMAO I'm schemy

Question of the day: what y'all wanna be when u grow up?