CLICHÈ || Knb《Akashi Seijuro》

#clash no. 023

"... can't remember a day going by when at some point she hadn't wished she could burn her life down. Today actually, she hadn't had that thought. That was something. That was not nothing."

Tommy Orange, There There

My initial plan was to take Akashi to the bakery, have a meal together and hand him over the letter I have written for him when we part ways. I knew it wouldn't be easy to get him to come with me, but I had assumed that mentioning Ino might do the trick.

Clearly, I have failed.

So I take a cab instead and go to the place I wish I could call home- the Akashi mansion. I do not dare to get inside. I might lose my mind if I do that. Just standing in front of the humongous gate, memories of Shiori-san and Akashi when we were little come crashing back.

This is my first time coming here since Shiori-san's death. And only now I realize I could have sent the letter to him via mail. Should I leave? Should I go ahead and leave the letter to the security guard? Should I get rid of it altogether?

No. I tell myself. Because Akashi Seijuro has the right to know the truth and I'm the only one willing to reveal that.

Sitting on my knees while leaning my back on the wall that protects the Akashi household, I ponder on my upcoming actions when my phone buzzes.

"Akashi-sama," I say, surprised. Who knew that today, of all days, Akashi Seijuro would call me for the first time.

"Did you do this? Ino... you did this to her, didn't you?" He asks, taking a deep breath.

"Did what?" I answer bitterly and immediately question my emotions. I suppose on days such as today, one is bound to get emotional.

"Where are you?"

"Why?"

"I'll come to you." He says, after a short pause. "Are you still at school?"

"In front of your house." I answer.

"OK. I'm coming. Don't go anywhere, alright? I'm coming to you right now." he says hurriedly before hanging up.

I stare at his name on my screen even after the phone call ends.

"Don't go anywhere, alright? I'm coming to you right now."

My face breaks into a wide smile before I realize it. He has asked me to wait. He said he's coming to me.

Perhaps this is what acknowledgement feels like. To have someone come to you. To be surrounded by people. To love and have people who love you back. To smile, cry, and smile again because you know you have someone to take care of and someone who takes care of you.

Ino has it all.

And, right at this moment, albeit briefly, I feel like I can have it too.

I stand up, press the buzzer and handover the letter to the guard who opens the gate.

"Please give this to Akashi-sama. Tell him it's from Enya." I say. "Tell him it's important that he reads it. And that I'm sorry and grateful for the time I had spent here. That it was the only time I was truly happy."

As I walk back home, I realise that, for the first time in my entire life, I feel grateful to be alive.