simply tired

chapter twentytwo

after another week, Michael knew that he had to tell Luke that he loved him.

he didn't think that he could take it any longer.

•••

the two boys were sitting in a coffee house, both drinking hot cocoa, due to the fact that the weather outside made the boys both turn even more pale and red, that they were shivering to the point that they had to slip into the warm building.

"...so that's how Calum ending up bumping into our third grade teacher and knocking her over."

Michael covered his face, letting out a laugh.

"that's hilarious." he put his hand back at his sides, a smile still on his face.

Luke smiled fondly at the boy,
"your smile is so adorable, I love it."

Michael blushed, only able to think,
well I love you.

the boys sat for a while, talking about simple things, Michael too distracted to really pay attention to the conversation.

when they finished their cocoa and walked over to the door, Michael tucked himself into Luke's jacket, then they stepped out into the thin and cold air, making both of them shiver, Michael absolutely in love with the way Luke's nose turned terribly red at the weather as they walked quickly in the direction of Luke's house.

while they were walking, Michael held Luke's hand, loving how their hands fit so well together, his hands always engulfed in Luke's.

the walk was long and Michael was absolutely stressed out.

he wanted to tell Luke more than anything, but he wanted it to be perfect.

he knew that Luke wouldn't care if he said it, but he didn't want to mess up.

he also was feeling selfish, so he was tempted to just blurt it out, but he knew that he might regret doing it that way, so he really needed more time to think about it.

Michael's mind was racing with various ideas of how to tell him.

the best thing was just doing it when Luke didn't expect it, he knew that he needed to say it when Luke told him that he loved him, because if he did it randomly, then he would never actually do it.

he didn't want to chicken out.

•••

over the course of a few days, Michael had the opportunity over ten times to say it, but he was just so scared.

he was scared that he was going to regret it.

he already knew that he loved him, but he felt as if the words would mean something different when he actually said them, and that terrified him.

he was driving himself utterly crazy.

he found himself trying to say it out loud like he was talking to Luke, and he felt ridiculous.

Michael was literally going insane.

•••

so on a cold friday afternoon, Michael went to Luke's house with him after school, deciding to go for a walk.

Michael knew that he had to do it then or else he would never do it.

he knew how stupid he was being when he gave himself a motivational speech on why it was good to just tell him.

•••

hand in hand, the boys were walking down this empty street lit up by only street lights and the faded dirty lights of old convenient stores, reflecting off the midnight black roads that were shiny from the rain that had fallen hours ago.

Michael looked around, breathing in the city air.

he couldn't help but smile due to the fact that he was so calm, everything silent except for the distant noise from the freeway. he was with Luke and it felt amazing.

soon he felt Luke's gaze.

he looked over, blushing like he always did when those piercing blue eyes met his, smiling lightly, seeing how Luke was just admiring him, making him feel loved.

soon Luke's voice broke the silence, filling Michael's ears,
"I love you so much Michael."

Michael swallowed past a lump in his throat, looking as deep into the boys eyes as he could, his voice coming out light and broken,
"I love you too."

Luke's breath hitched.

he smiled, stopping them in the middle of the road, his hands going up to Michael's arms, holding him tightly, looking at him, nothing but hope, love and maybe concern in his eyes.

"Michael- you don't have to say it back."

"I wanted to say it back."

"it's okay I don't care if you don't-"

"Luke shut up. I love you so much. I knew it at our date in the field I just- I couldn't get the balls to say it out loud. I promise I'm being serious. it took me forever to say it but I swear that I mean it."

Luke smiled, his eyes crinkling as he did.

"I love you so fucking much."

Michael smiled,
"shit- I love you too babe."

Luke continued to smile, moving in and kissing Michael in the gentlest way possible.

Michael grabbed onto Luke's jacket, bringing their bodies closer together, trying to get more of Luke's body heat.

Michael rested his head on Luke's chest, feeling relieved with the words off his chest.

Luke held Michael close, his hand in Michael's red hair, combing through it absentmindedly.

they stayed like this for a while, before Michael pulled away from the hug, moving up to kiss the boy again, walking forward, their lips still connected, Luke backing up until his back hit the side of a closed down restaurant, Michael making Luke pressed up onto it firmly, their kiss more rough, Michael pulling away every few seconds, just to utter the words,
"I love you."

Luke still unable to get used to the lovely sound of that.

author's note:

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