simply tired

chapter forty four

Michael feels as if an eternity has passed since he's seen Luke.
it feels like no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't found the amount of tears he has cried since he left that damn airport.

it was December 29th.

two days.
two fucking days until he would see Luke again.

Michael didn't know what he was going to do.
he wanted to have a great, romantic plan and have everything be perfect...
but all that Michael could think of is how he will be able to kiss him and hug him so tightly that he can feel every single beat of Luke's heart and fuck did he need that again.

Michael's hands shook and his stomach grumbled at him for not eating but he was too stressed out to eat. his clothes were baggier but he didn't care.

he just needed Luke.

•••

Michael took a deep breath before shooting a text to Calum.

hey. I'm going to the mall to buy Luke a present. wanna come?

it took about ten minutes for him to respond, but Michael expected it because of Calum's popularity.

oh hey Clifford. I'd love to. I should probably get the boy something too. can I come over in ten?

Michael smiled and typed back immediately.

sure.

Michael got up and changed into a clean pair of black jeans, slipping on a black long sleeved shirt and vans, pulling at his hair before making his way downstairs to wait for Calum.

moments later, Calum road up on his skateboard. he was wearing a sweatshirt and jeans, a big smile spread across his face.

Michael moved away from the window and walked towards the door and opened it before Calum could even knock.
"woah- hey."
Calum opened his arms and Michael walked into the hug, smiling as he pulled away.

"hey- thanks for coming with me. I just- I wanted some company."

Calum nodded,
"it's cool. sorry we haven't hung out sooner."

Michael shrugged and grabbed his flannel hanging on the coat rack, slipping it on before grabbing his wallet, phone and keys.

•••

the mall was crowded, full of happy couples and young minds.

it made Michael sick.
his stomach clenched as he missed Luke and the happiness that the boy caused him.

Calum guided Michael into the Vans store, walking ahead of him as his eyes scanned the room.

Michael took a deep breath and tried to focus on the happy things that could happen when his beautiful boyfriend came home.

wow. he really missed him.
he was in a store that, at the mere thought of it, would remind him of Luke.
yet here he was, unable to focus on anything but the thought of the cerulean eyes that he would see, or the soft hair that he could run his hand through when they kiss once again...
and when he could bring himself into reality, he couldn't see anything that would be good enough for Luke.

Michael viewed their relationship like this:
Luke was the beautiful angel that saved Michael's life, but in the process lost himself, and Michael is slowly ruining Luke's life, but he can't bring himself to escape from it.

so since he was unable to detach himself, he had to make it up to Luke in different ways.
he had to make sure that Luke realize how much Michael loved him.
he needed to realize how serious he was about their relationship.

Calum strolled ahead of Luke, grabbing two boxes off the shelf, turning around and smiling at Michael before stepping into the line of people waiting to be checked out.

Michael sighed at how easy it was for Calum.
Calum and Luke were, in their terms, equal. Of course Luke was a million times higher in status to Michael, but in general they were the same. therefore, Calum doesn't have to put forth his best efforts to improve their friendship because he knows that Luke will be thrilled with whatever he receives.
now, Michael is aware that Luke doesn't care if Michael even gets him anything... but Michael refuses to admit to himself that he has always had the habit of being drastically paranoid.
this causes him to be aware of the fact that he will never be good enough for Luke, and that he must keep giving all of his attention to Luke so that he won't leave.
Michael knows that if Luke heard this, he would totally reject it, and that's because he doesn't realize how beautiful and sweet he is, so that makes him even more obligated to make a smile spread across Luke's breathtaking features each and every day.

before Michael could even take a full glance around the store, he was literally snapped out of it, and he became aware that his feet had practically been glued to the floor and he blushed for spacing out.
"dude- it was your turn to come here and you're totally spacing out. what's wrong, man?" Calum laughed at the end of his question to lighten the mood, but Michael heard various layers of concern incasing the question.

Michael let out a nervous chuckle,
"yeah- I know. sorry dude I just- I want to get him something cool, you know?"

Calum smiled and jokingly pinched Michael's cheek and cooed,
"aw Mikey, how sweet."

Michael playfully swatted Calum's hand away,
"oh, fuck off."

Calum laughed,
"do you wanna look in here?"

Michael thought for a moment before shaking his head.

"let's go get something to drink or something- we can talk about what you want to get Luke."

Michael nodded and they waved to the security guard and walked out of the store.

the music changed and the main section of the mall was slightly cooler than the store, and their steps were quieter as a result of the echoes of other steps surrounding them. the mall seemed to become even more crowded as they made their way into the large food court.
the strange scent of pizza and chinese food filled their nostrils at once, and they decided to grab a few sodas at the restaurant with the shortest line, getting an order of fries to share as well.

they walked over to a small table. thankfully, the area wasn't as busy around it as certain places.
Michael took a deep breath as he sat,
"so what'd you get? it took you like five seconds."

Calum chuckled,
"I just got us each a pair of black vans. his are torn to shit and mine don't even look black anymore, so I though that they were good choices."

Michael nodded and took a drink, unable to eat many fries as they talked, feeling way too stressed out.

Calum spoke,
"you okay, dude?"

Michael nodded,
"yeah I- I just can't- I just can't decide what I want to get Luke. it can't be super christmas-based, because it's a late present, but fuck- I don't know what to get him."

Calum looked with sadness in his eyes, putting his hand on Michael's shoulder and patting comfortingly,
"you could punch him in the face as a present, and he would probably thank you for it."

Michael laughed and wiped at his eyes, sleepiness still lingering as he spoke,
"I know. it's just- it's just really important to me."

Calum smiled,
"I know." he thought for a moment before he spoke, "I think you guys are so great for each other. I hope that you know how much he loves you."

Michael smiled and lowered his head, realizing that every time he thinks about Luke, he finds a way to miss him more.

author's note:
guys I'm pathetic, and I'm so sorry... don't hate me.

I am having a really difficult emotional time, and I just feel weird, so I haven't really been updating.

please vote and promote it, it gives me inspiration.

love you guys xx

-jasmine :)