Borrowed Time

Twenty One

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"Alright, go lotion up then put your clothes on," I said to Josiah, after he had gotten out of a warm bubble bath.
He was spending the rest of the day with Joy, while I'd be with Janet. I appreciated how she stood her ground at the salon, but she still needed to explain why she lied about being a teacher.
"Your clothes are laid out on your bed, okay?"

Wrapped up in his PJ Masks bath towel, Josiah moved his head up and down. "Okay, Mommy." He then traveled to his bedroom, doing as I asked.

Leaving him be, I walked into my own bedroom, heading for my walk-in closet. I had already been dressed for my date with Janet, deciding to wear a lace see-through blouse, black skinny jeans, and leopard print pumps. But I figured I'd search for a leather jacket, just in case I'd get cold.

After finding my jacket, I then found myself in the bathroom of my bedroom, applying makeup and lipstick to my face. I chose to do smoky-eye styled eye shadow, and a red pigment upon my lips.

"Mommy," Josiah called out to me, entering the room. He was dressed in his clothes, but had no shoes covering his feet. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Yes," I said back, continuing to enhance my face, now gluing on lashes. "I'm listening, just putting my makeup on, baby."

He took a moment before asking, which didn't concern me. I just figured maybe he hadn't known how to get his words across. And if that was the case, I was going to wait and be patient until he could.
"Why...why do you and Mama fight so much?"

But that question caught me off guard, causing me to stop what I was doing. I looked at him with widened eyes, not exactly sure how to answer.
"We...we um...we are not fighting. We are just—"

"Yes you are," he cut me off, confident that he knew what he was talking about. He then took a seat upon the edge of my bed, holding his head down.

Truthfully, it broke my heart a bit seeing him this way. For so long, Joy and I thought we were doing the best we could keeping our troubles hidden. But, clearly, the more we tried to hide things from Josiah, the more he could see them.
"Who...who told you that? Did Mama tell you we're fighting?" I exited the bathroom, taking a seat next to him on the bed.

My son shook his head in a fashion that answered no. "I can tell because...because the three of us are never together anymore. And Mama doesn't sleep here. And...And I saw you with that lady."

"Okay, okay." I placed my left hand upon his backside, providing to him comfort. Clearly, I had some explaining to do and the time was now. "Sometimes married people and even parents, we do fight. It just...it just means that everyday together is not always a great day." I paused, allowing the memories of my marriage to crowd my mind. "At times you're happy, and at others, you can be very sad. But, that's okay, y'know? It's just...how life works. Remember when you were sad because you missed playing Fortnite with Tarik?"

Josiah said back, "Yes, I remember. But I don't want to be sad about you and Mama." Looking up at me, I could see curiosity riding his pupils. "Are you...are you breaking up?"

"Hey, it's okay to be sad," I informed him, continuing to rub his backside. It had truly taken a toll on my baby, seeing his mothers at odds. "It's okay, trust me. And, I don't want us to break up, but sometimes things between two people are better apart than together." I smiled a bit, he did the same. "But we love you very much and always will, okay?"

Before he could say anything back, a known voice sounded through the house. It was Joy, calling out for myself and Josiah. She then entered my bedroom, giving our son a hug and kiss for a greeting.

After telling him to go finish getting ready, she walked over to me, eyeing me closely. "You okay? You looking all funny."

I breathed profoundly, rising from the bed. "Apparently, Jojo knows that we're fighting..." I then went back into the bathroom, finishing where I had left off.

Joy followed, standing right in the doorway. She watched as I tended to my makeup. "Did you mention anything about the divorce?"

"I did not," I shook my head from side to side, just before starting to apply black eyeliner. "That's a conversation the both of us need to have with him, and one that needs to be had soon."

My wife agreed, understanding that this was something we needed to do. "But in the mean time, I think we need to talk about what happened at the salon." After I turned from the mirror, facing her, she said, "I felt completely disrespected and you didn't even try to defend me, Toni."

Instantly, I looked at her as though she had lost her mind. I didn't have to defend a damn thing, and that was that. "Why should I have defended you simply because you were jealous?"

She jerked her head back, crossing her arms above her chest. "Jealous? Is that what you think I am?" The woman seemed rather astonished.

"That's exactly what I think," I answered, pointing at her. "Y'know, you didn't give a damn having me see you with Karen everyday. But the one time you see me with another woman, you can't take it."

Joy pointed back at me, looking at me sideways. "Yeah, well, that's your fault. Hell, you the one giving me mixed signals." Her eyes rolled in a circular fashion. "One minute we're in your kitchen having sex, doing good. Then the next minute, you act like you want nothing to do with me. Make up your goddamn mind, Toni!"

I rose my voice a bit, slamming down the eyeliner that rested in my right hand. "I told you that night was a fucking mistake! And you're right, I don't want anything to do with you!" But I remembered Josiah still being in the house, bringing my voice back down. "I don't want to be with you and I don't want a marriage with you."

"Wow. Okay." My wife released heavy breaths, feeling her heart race. She tried to take in what I said, trying to be certain of what she heard. "So is it her? Is it Janet? That's who you want?"

But I didn't respond. I allowed my silence to answer for me. If things were different in my marriage, then we wouldn't be at this point. There wouldn't be a question of whether I wanted to be with another woman. I'd try to make what Joy and I had work. But I had already done that, already been down that road. I wanted different now.

"By saying nothing, you're definitely saying a lot." Joy said lowly, in response to my quietness. "Y'know what, from this moment on, if it's not about Josiah, don't talk to me, okay?" Upon her face, a clear expression of despair rested. She acted as though I had broken her heart. "Because we have nothing to talk about. And I mean absolutely nothing."

A|N:
let's just say, Toni may start to regret this 🥴 that's tea :)
anywho, thoughts?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WHITNEY HOUSTON 💘