The Broken Kids

Chapter Thirty-Three: Healing

Donny ~ I Wanted To Die Alone (Song above)
...

The first few weeks in the mental hospital were the hardest. Yes, I know you're probably thinking, "No shit, you don't just slash letters into someone's skin, let alone your best friend's." I know and it sounds completely fucked up.

I remembered getting into my car and that I started driving but then I started to feel like hell. So I  parked the car inside the library's parking lot. Everything was changing around me, and I'm guessing I blacked out, because the next thing I know when my eyes opened, I saw Memo and my pa sitting next to me as I was in the hospital.

I can tell you this much though, leaving was the best thing I could've done. I had a lot, and I mean a lot of bad days, where I needed to be tamed, but I also had some good days.

The good days consisted of a visit from Pa and Memo. So basically visitation days were the best.
As for Lena, I made Memo promise not to let her see me. I couldn't even look at her.

I felt so ashamed. No, I felt like I failed her, and I couldn't bear to face her.

I wrote letters to her though, that way she wouldn't completely resist my request. She always responded quickly. Although sometimes I didn't know what to write.

I mean, my days were mostly spent either getting checked on by the doctor and her asking me all types of questions or me trying to become sociable. I was afraid. I was afraid that they'd mark me as a lost cause, so I tried my best. But let me tell you, it wasn't always easy...

It got so bad that they had to put me in a room by myself without a roommate. My voice was the worst part.
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"Is you're voice talking to you right now?" The doctor asked

"No, but I could hear it last night. It mostly comes out during nights." I said sighing

"What did it say, if you don't mind me asking?"  She continued

"It was trying to tell me how worthless and weak I am. It got really mad at me."

"Do you agree with the voice?" She then looked up at me, her eyes filled with curiosity

"Sometimes I agree. I think I am weak, but I don't believe I'm completely worthless and done for-" I paused taking a deep breath

"If I was completely done for, I wouldn't have searched for help and be here."

"Why do you think the voice is mad at you?"

"I don't think the voice is mad at me, I know Z is mad at me because I'm here. I'm here to heal."

And with that, she smiled and told me that she'd like to prescribe me a medication called Chlorpromazine some type of medicine that can either fully or reduce some of my voices, etc...

I honestly lost track of how many medications I've been on or what the hell my mental illness was. I sometimes want to give up, but then I'd remember the promise I made to Lena. It motivates me enough to get by. At least today is visitation day. I get to see Pa y Memo...
...
I was thinking about what to write back to Lena when I looked up because I thought I heard a familiar voice calling my name. Not Z, I meant an actual person.

"Pa, Memo," I exclaimed in glee as they rushed towards me, each giving me a hug as I sat up from the bed.

"How have you been, mijo?" My dad asks worriedly