I Don't Think I Regret it

Hello, It's Me, Feelings!

It was a quiet Saturday morning when there was a knock at the door. Kuroo and Kenma had a practice match halfway across Tokyo, and her mother was sleeping in for once. Ai had been reading Black Clover in Shounen Jump. Something Kuroo had accidentally left at her house and one thing she wouldn't let him have back until she completed reading the latest chapter. Why should she buy her own issue when she could just steal it from Kuroo and not have to worry about paying for it? After all, he was going to buy it anyways.

Ai got up and had half a mind to bust Kuroo's chops for interrupting her when she was reading. When she stormed over to the door she expected to say something along the lines of 'If you keep bothering me while I am reading, you'll never get your Jump back'. Then she remembered that Kuroo was playing a match.

All of that immediately went out the window when she saw an attractive, tall boy wearing a gakuran. He had dark brown hair and eyes that were black as sable.  "Uh, can I help you?" She asked, not feeling any of the playful hostility that she was going to direct towards whoever was behind that door dissipated. The boy was taller than her, but not by much. He seemed to have a very slight build, she figured he might even weigh less than her.

"Are you, Ohno Ai?" He asked, looking mighty uncomfortable.

She eyed him suspiciously. Even if he didn't look dangerous, he was still a stranger showing up at her doorstep while her mother was asleep. 'Yes, why?"

"'My name is Akihito Yoshida, I need to talk to you about Father." The way he said "father" and not "your father" or "my father" made Ai's words stick in her mouth like a wad of peanut butter. Her eyes narrowed. How could she miss it? The hair? The eyes? He looked like the woman from the pictures Ai had seen all those years ago.

"You have no right to come here, how did you get this address?" Ai demanded, crossing her arms around herself reflexively. She bit her lip until she thought she drew blood, she was getting dizzy and felt she was going to throw up all at once. She tried to stand strong and intimidating, she was fairly tall for a woman, so she was trying to keep herself in good posture, but she was shaking like a leaf. She was overwhelmed by all of these feelings happening to her in an instant she thought she would pass out.

"Ai, who's at the door?" Her mother asked softly, wrapped in her bathrobe. "Isn't Kuroo-kun at a match?" Ai wasn't able to answer her mother, she felt as if she were on the verge of hysterics. Her mother had drawn her lips into a thin line when she looked at the boy. Her eyes hardened for a split second and then released their tension. She pulled the door open all the way and sighed in relief. "Why don't you come on in and tell us why you're here, Akihito."

They all sat uncomfortably in the living room. Ai was prickly as she poured glasses of barley tea for each of them. "I'll cut to the chase," the boy looked uneasily at his reflection in his tea. He had black eyes like Reo, that gave Ai even more reason to feel unsettled in his presence. "Your father, he," Akihito paused and corrected himself "our father". Ai's mother held no judgement in her gaze. She was a woman of forty three years who had attained wisdom from her many mistakes. Ai, on the other hand, was young and foolish. Looking at Akihito was like feeling the burning slap of being discarded hit her in the face all over again.

"I used to have a son once," her father had said.

"He lost his job three weeks ago." Akihito looked up at the woman who wasn't his mother. "He started drinking again, gambling. My mother has gone to live with her parents for the time being." His hands were trembling. "He- he never told my mother about you." The boy pinched the bridge of his nose as if he

were trying to push the tears back into his eyes. "Please," he looked up at Ai's mother and pleaded with misty eyes, "save my family."

Ai's mother put her hand on top of his, she smiled at him almost angelically. She held no resentment for the child of the woman of whom her husband had chosen over her. Instead, there was compassion and understanding. Ai was jealous of her mother's ability to be calm and collected. Instead, a fiery pit opened in Ai's stomach and she glared at the boy even harder.

He was a child, years younger than her but older than she had been when the sting of betrayal hit her. It wasn'this fault for being born.  She had no desire to forgive her father, but the only way she could take out her feelings, she thought it even if she knew it wasn't right was on this boy.

"Akihito-kun," Ai's mother wouldn't dare call him by the name she had when she was married. "I'll do whatever it takes to make sure your mother doesn't make the same mistakes I did." She smiled at him warmly, like a mother.

Ai choked back a growl and clenched her fists, unable to say anything back. Akihito relaxed for a moment. This boy, her brother, the abomination, was shaking like a leaf. He smiled gratefully at her mother. Ai didn't know or care what courage it took to end up asking for help from the family destroyed, all she felt was rage.

Ai could hear it when Kuroo got home. She waited until he had showered and probably had eaten to text him.

Ai: Are you busy?

Kuroo: For you, never

Ai: can you come over? The door is open

Ai did not get a reply, instead she heard the door open. "Pardon the intrusion." Kuroo said upon entering the apartment. She heard his shoes thud by the door and the sound of his bare feet across the floor of the apartment.

Though the door was ajar, and despite her inviting him, Kuroo knocked lightly on the door before entering her room. Ai laid on her bed in an oversized shirt of Kuroo's, it smelled like him and was comforting. Her face was bare and pale. The sweat on her brow beaded. "Are you okay?" Kuroo asked softly, as if saying anything too loudly would frighten Ai. "Are you sick?"

"No." She sighed, sitting up, opening her arms. She had never done anything like this before. Sex was one thing, but asking for chaste physical attention in that manner, it felt wrong. She had always felt like that sort of gesture was too needy, too desperate, no matter how much she needed it. She was used to people knowing when she wanted it, but now, this was her only way cog communicating that she was vulnerable. Kuroo sat on her bed next to her and pulled her close. Of course he would oblige her, especially when she was this upset. She got mad sometimes, yeah, and she tended to be rather expressive, but it was rare to see her actually hurt .  Ai took in a deep breath. Kuroo's hair was down and still slightly damp from the shower. He smelled fresh, like soap and laundry detergent.

He pressed his lips to the frustrated creases in between her eyebrows before cradling her head and holding her to his chest. "Do you want to talk about it?" Kuroo was her friend but the gentle actions made Ai remember that their relationship was different now.

Ai let her bodyweight lean entirely into him. "No, not right now."

"What do you want me to do?" Kuroo ran his calloused fingers over her scalp, it made Ai shiver involuntarily.

She gripped his shirt and he could feel dampness on his chest. "Please just hold me." Her voice was barely a whisper, it crackled and wavered.

He smiled bitterly, "Of course."