I Don't Think I Regret it

Why Fall in Love When You Could Just Fall in General?

The kiss reminded Ai of chemistry lessons in school, when if the right two elements were put together, they'd explode. Except Ai didn't explode, rather, she wished she had. As soon as she got behind the protective shield of her door. Ai blushed furiously and melted into a pile on the floor. She clasped a hand over her mouth to keep from screaming. What the hell had she just done?

Ai stayed up all night, unable to sleep. The next morning, the dark circles under her eyes were the proof of her struggle. She had done a poor job of hiding the damage. When Kuroo knocked on her door in the morning to collect her, she only grunted groggily at him. She didn't know what would be worse: Kuroo pretending like nothing happened, or: Kuroo acting completely different towards her. Ai was typically quite aggressive, however, being around Kuroo that morning brought out an odd sense of timidness.

During volleyball practice, she looked over her book, but couldn't read any of the words. Every time her eyes swept over a line, she didn't retain any knowledge. It was like she had never seen the sentence before in her life. It made her feel stupid and frustrated.

In the rest of her classes, she was absent minded, listless, and inattentive. Try as she might, she couldn't focus on anything the teachers were saying. Every time a teacher would speak, it sounded distant and muted, as if Ai was underwater and nothing could reach her, not even sound. She was dazed. Why wasn't Kuroo acting any different? Why hadn't he shoved her away or kissed back or done anything? Why was Ai such a terrible girl?

Her eyes were glazed over when the final bell rang. Her classmates all began packing up their belongings and chattering excitedly about their plans for the weekend. "Ohno-chan," one of Ai's friends called, shaking Ai by her shoulder.

"Seriously," another sighed, "you've been out of sorts all day!" Her friend tossed her brown hair over her shoulder. "Anyway, we are having a group date on Saturday, do you want to come?"

Ai didn't say anything at first, she didn't know what she wanted. "I'll think about it."

"Okay cool, I'll text you the details." Her friend said, before they all gathered together and walked out of the classroom. She was left behind, but she didn't feel like leaving. She rested her chin in her palm and stared at the board for a while longer. She only moved when the people on cleaning duty started moving the desks to sweep.

Ai wandered into the outskirts of Tokyo. She still didn't know her way around very well, so she stayed to the path she had gone with either Reo or Kuroo. She ventured into shops, but didn't buy anything. She wasn't hungry, she didn't need anything. Ai looked around at various stores for a few hours before deciding enough time had passed for her to be on her way home. She made it back to the bus stop and waited.

The hours ahead of her seemed to stretch along like a long, winding road. She had a bad day, and she needed something to make her feel better. If she didn't keep thinking, she would be stuck in the same loop. Ai didn't remember getting on the bus, much less the ride back to her neighborhood. She remembered getting off the bus and standing there, aimlessly. Her phone buzzed in her pocket. She almost let it ring, but part of her was concerned about not answering. What if her mother was calling from work? 

However, it wasn't her mother at all, it was her father. Ai answered the phone, unable to breathe.

The line crackled to life, a gruff, mumbling voice buzzed, "Hello?"

When her father was drunk, he'd say 'I used to have a son, you know', and get a faraway look in his eyes. Ai was too young to understand, even when she was old enough, she didn't want to. Her father wasn't always drunk, it was only on Fridays at first. Then her mother began working more, her father worked less. He would stay at home, drinking. Ai would come home to the man, unwashed and unshaven after days of binging.