I Don't Think I Regret it

Not Everyone Wants the Same Kind of Love

Ai did her work as usual in class, she passed her Chemistry test with flying colors, she did well on her English quiz, and she was doing okay in literature. Everything was going okay grade-wise in school, but her relationships were strained.

Reo often came to talk to her at lunch, but when she saw him, what Kuroo said came back to her. The lack of physical intimacy in the relationship made her uncomfortable and insecure. Reo has never once initiated a kiss, it made her feel awful. What was worse was that she knew he cared for her, but she still felt insecure. They went on dates regularly in the following weeks. She had fun, but deep down, she felt unsettled. She wasn't used to relationships with little physical contact. She wondered if she had done something wrong. Her last boyfriend never ceased to pepper her with showers of kisses and hugs, of holding hands. So why wouldn't Reo do the same. Did he hate her? Not talking to him about the lack of intimacy made her feel worse.

What was the cherry on top was that for the past week she couldn't stop thinking about Kuroo. His eyes, his stupid hair, the way she could smell him when he was close to her. The way he didn't judge her over her desires, but for her actions. She barely slept that night when he stayed over. He had spent the next day recovering from his hangover at her apartment, and later that day they caught a movie with Bokuto. Being around Kuroo had always been easy, but it wasn't now that she remembered what she did every time she saw him. It was foolish considering she hadn't kissed him, much less anything else to be embarrassed about. Still, it felt like a rock in her throat.

She sighed as the bell for lunch rang. She had a lot to think about.

After school, they sat on a bench in the park. She turned to him, "Reo-san?" She leaned in to kiss him and he turned away. She frowned and flinched.

"Not in public." He blushed.

"Then when?" She gritted her teeth in frustration, trying to not convey her grief as outwardly. "You never do anything when we are alone." She tried not to speak too loud, she was upset but didn't want to draw too much attention. She knew that if they never talked, she would eventually explode. It seemed like that time was as good as any to completely lose it, while she could still maintain any semblance of composure.

"Ai-san?" Reo had a look of bewilderment on his face, along with concern deep within his reflective, big eyes. They were beautiful, but not the same as Kuroo's sharp, golden eyes. Kuroo had eyes that were playful but concentrated on the court. Reo's eyes reflected whatever she looked at him with. She could see her own angry and hurt expression in his glassy, colorless eyes.

"You're so nice," she frowned, looking away. "You're too nice and you never touch me." She sighed. "It feels like you don't even like me."

"But Ai-san!" He blushed. She felt bad, like slapping a puppy. "I do like you!"

"That's precisely why we should stop seeing each other." She took in a breath and looked him in the eyes once more. She spoke softly, but her voice quivered though she tried to be strong. "I don't ever want you to feel uncomfortable, because I care about you," she rubbed the back of her neck taking a breath. "However, because I am selfish, I don't think I can be with you."

Reo frowned, he still looked confused. He was so cute when he looked like he was about to cry. His ruffled brown hair, his deep and caring eyes, his normally upturned lips. She admired all of those features, but it wasn't enough. As much as she adored how he looked or how nice Reo was, Ai couldn't justify the empty pit in her chest that was unfulfilled. "Reo-san, you deserve someone who can be more at your pace. I'm greedy by nature, I won't be able to stay away from you if I grow any more attached.  Reo, you should be with someone who's gentle and kind,not like me."