I Don't Think I Regret it

The First Step is Often the Biggest

What Ai told him caused Kuroo to clam up. She expected him to interject his own opinions or comments, however he stayed silent, listening patiently. It took longer than Ai had expected to explain, but when she was finished, she felt relaxed and calm. Her body had stopped shaking. Kuroo didn't know what to say, but his facial expression was enough to tell Ai that he understood. She was grateful that he didn't press and ask any more questions about the matter.

They had switched positions so that Kuroo was sitting next to her on the floor, back leaning against the couch. She had her head leaning on both of her knees and had her arms wrapped around her shins. He had his long, spidery legs spread out wide, lazily. She looked over at him in his golden, focused eyes. She was all he was looking at. It made her feel itchy and fidgety. "Thank you for listening." Ai said uncharacteristically bashfully. "I know I'm a handful."

"Well, you're certainly more complex than when I first met you, Neko-chan ." He smiled to himself.

She poked him in the arm playfully, but it came across as weak because she was so exhausted.

"What's that supposed to mean, you dumb cockatoo?"

He chuckled. "Well I thought you were shy and prickly, very antisocial. Like one of those girls they refer to as 'unattainable beauties' in mangas or some shit." Kuroo began. "However, it turns out you're just a very forceful person."

"Hey!" Ai scowled a bit before letting it slip and began laughing. "You think I am beautiful?" She asked cheekily.

Kuroo shrugged his shoulders.

"Fair enough." She muttered. "I'm sorry."

"You know, at this point I don't know what you're apologizing for." Kuroo gave her one of those smiles.

"The other night," Ai bit her bottom lip, "y'know, I kissed you." She balled her fists.

"Oh yeah," Kuroo said as if he had forgotten it since it was last brought up, "by the way, why did you do that?"

Ai ran a hand through her hair in frustration. "I don't know, honestly, I haven't been quite myself lately."

"You're a mess."

Ai laughed, "Yeah, the hottest mess you've ever seen." That made Kuroo crack a smile. She ran a hand gingerly over the part of her thigh that was bruised and grew quiet for a moment. She looked at Kuroo again. His stupid golden eyes, his dumb sly grin, his stupid muscular body underneath that shirt. She should have taken one look at him and realized he was the devil incarnate. "Sometimes I don't think before I do things." She admitted.

"I suppose that's part of your charm." He was watching her rub her leg, her skirt rode up, she became aware and stopped what she was doing.

Ai cleared her throat nervously. "You never gave me an answer."

"About what?" The way Kuroo tilted his head to the side made her think of a puppy hearing a new sound for the first time.

"Are you mad? You have every right to be, I kissed you without asking and out of the blue."

He leaned closer to her. "Ai-chan, you've been through so much in the past week I don't even know if I have the right to be mad at you. Seems like karma's already doing a pretty good job of fucking your life over this month." Ai frowned at this and fidgeted with her hair, taking it out of its lopsided ponytail and letting it hang down her shoulders like a curtain of black silk. "What you need right now is to take care of yourself." She nodded her head and bit her tongue. "Go get a shower, okay, and then after that we'll change your bandages."

Ai nodded her head again and got up.

Ai looked at her body in the mirror as she dried her hair, it didn't look as bad as she felt. Her chin was only slightly red, her left thigh and hip were bruised, her knees were scraped, but otherwise she didn't have any serious injuries. She finished drying her hair and exited the bathroom. Her her shorts didn't cover the bruise at all but she didn't care. Still, it was a pain.

Kuroo was sitting on her bed, he had the first aid kit. Ai sat obediently and let Kuroo tend to her, even though she could have easily done it herself. She was emotionally exhausted. She was too tired to even cry. She lost her boyfriend, she lost the guy she was seeing, she ruined everything with her only close friend, and she had her father call her all within the past month. Most of it had taken place within the last week. She wondered what shit star she was born under and why it was only just now smiting her all at once.

"Why are you even still here?" She asked as he bandaged her right knee.

"Hmm," Kuroo hummed for a second, "you're interesting."

Ai groaned. "I hate this." She rubbed her eyes. "I don't even know what I am feeling anymore!" Ai ran a hand through her scalp as Kuroo packed up the first aid kit for the second time that night. He pulled her into his arms, until she was in his lap. She should have been mortified, really, but at this point Ai was too distraught to protest. He cupped one of her cheeks in his hands and looked into her glassy green eyes. He leaned in and kissed her. Ai felt her eyes slide closed, her mouth dropped open and she let Kuroo take the lead. The thought floated in that he was only kissing her out of pity, but she didn't care. The only thing that mattered was that someone was touching her and she felt safe.

He ran a hand over her hip and dipped his head down to kiss her neck. He was doing pretty good for someone who had never kissed anyone before. Ai hated that it impressed her. His lips brushed hers, not teasingly or timidly. It was demanding and confrontational. Wherever he touched her felt like it was covered in an angry patch of hot fire ants, but in a good way. She could lose herself in that moment. The touch she craved, the passion, the enthralling excitement of something new. She couldn't think straight.

  Eventually though, she was brought back to earth. She sucked in a breath when he brushed his fingers over her bruised hip a little too roughly. "Sorry," Kuroo mumbled into her neck and his warm breath spread across her throat, causing her to shiver. Ai furled her fingers in his hair, it was softer than she thought it would be.  She tilted her head back and Kuroo kissed the bandaged spot on her chin. He moved down lower, pulling her arm up, kissing her elbow. She was still seated in his lap when he grabbed her ankle gently and slowly stretched her leg up to kiss her left knee. Ai was so glad she had shaved in the shower. He kissed the other knee. It was a soft and simple gesture, Ai thought she wouldn't mind falling down another flight of stairs if it meant Kuroo would hold her gingerly cradled in his lap and kiss her wounds.

Ai had spent hours with Kuroo. Watching him talk, eat, the way his lips puckered when he drank whiskey. She knew the sound of his voice and how it rolled off his tongue. What Ai wasn't prepared for was the taste of his mouth, the feeling of his soft palette, the curves of his teeth. She never imagined how good it would feel to press her lips to his when he was spouting out dorky chemistry facts. Now she did. Ai's eyes had been opened and she hoped he would never stop kissing her.

There was no way he could reach the bruise on her thigh without pulling her off of his lap. He moved back to her collarbone, kissing, but not nipping at it. One of Kuroo's hands snaked its way up the back of Ai's tee shirt. It rested where the clasp of her bra should have been. Seeing as though she was dressed for bed, Kuroo didn't show much surprise at her not wearing a bra.

Ai hated it. She hated how desperate she felt to have him touch her. It was disgusting, but she couldn't get enough of him. She hated that it was him, and that he would remember this and nothing would ever be the same again. Just like you can't uncrease a paper after you have folded it, you can't unkiss your friend. She tried not to focus it, instead, she rubbed circles into his scalp that made him groan. Ai kissed the crown of his head and he let his hands roam to her sides, fingers running over the slight groove of her ribcage. His hand slides up and rests in between the valley of her breasts. He seemed satisfied at the size that they were. "Kuroo," Ai whined pathetically. He pulled his hands out from under her shirt and wrapped them around her back. She slipped her hands down and grabbed either side of his jaw, guiding his face to hers before she kissed him again. Slow, soft, holding back. Ai kissed him tenderly as if not to convey her desperation and need for human contact. She was normally good at resisting temptation, but that was before she had met Kuroo.