All is Not Fair in Love and High School

Chapter Thirty Six.

I walk back to my room rather fast and slam the door behind me, but it's stopped by Harry's foot. He opens the door and follows me in. "We are not done talking about this." He says. "Yes, we are. You made it very clear how you feel about me and my emotional baggage, so if you don't feel like dealing with it, fine. I deserve better than that." I tell him. "It's not like that, I didn't know what I was saying, I  was just so mad." He stresses. "MAD ABOUT WHAT?!" I yell, having enough of this. 

"Sometimes, I just really don't want this life. I don't want it for me, I don't want it for you, hell, I don't want it for Luke either. I killed a man last week. I killed him. As in ended his life. That just doesn't sit right with me, and then my Dad has the nerve to come over and criticize me about handling enemies the 'proper' way and call me a piece of shit. And on top of all that, fucking Julia calls me and said her Dad has some giant scheme to kill you. And that really put me over the edge. I was scared that Luke was going to die, and everything going on with you was just so overwhelming, I wrongfully took it out on you. I even thought I just wasn't worthy of you and being a dick would actually protect you. But I just hurt you, and I'm really sorry for that." He finishes his mini soliloquy and looks at me with hopeful eyes. 

"Well, if you had just said that in the first place you could have avoided a lot, you realize that, don't you?" I ask and he nods. "Harry, believe me I don't prefer this lifestyle either, but it's the one we were given, and at this point, it is what it is. So just grow a pair and get over it." I tell him with as much sass as I can. 

"You're right. I'm really sorry, I really shouldn't be the one breaking down at this point, with all of the shit you've been through the past week." He says apologetically. "My Mom told me she got raped today." I say, looking at the ground. "Holy shit, what are you going to do?" He asks. "I didn't even know how to react, when it happened to me, I just couldn't get over how violated I felt, and how angry I was," He cuts me off. "What the hell? When did this happen to you?" He asks, suddenly very angry. "Do you remember the old quarterback our school had before John?" I ask. "Um, yeah, Jack, was it?" He asks. 

"Yeah, he was my first boyfriend, well he was my first everything I guess. One day he just decided he wanted to do it, and I told him I wasn't ready, but he just didn't care. He led me on and told me he loved me just so he could do it with me. I don't think I've ever hated someone more in my entire life." I let out.

"I'm going to kill him." Harry says, his eyes growing dark. "Harry, please, don't. He transferred schools after that. He's gone and he's never coming back. Now, can we get back to my Mom?" I ask him, hoping to change the subject. He nods, still visibly angry. "Like I was saying, I didn't really know how to react, I was shocked, and I asked her what she was going to do, and apparently the rapists were killed in the garage that day. She just seemed so at peace with it, and over it. Like she's already overcome it. So she just changed the subject and moved on." I say, tearing. 

Harry pulls me into his chest. "Your Mom is one of the strongest people I've ever met. I think she'll be just fine." He says. "Thanks. I  actually haven't really gotten a chance to speak to my brother about any of this. I still want to know what they did to him. Besides beat him up on a daily basis." I say. "Well, no matter what they did to them, all I know is that they're safe now, and if there's anything you should focus on it should be that." He says. "I know, but I just got my family back. I haven't seen them in who knows how long, I mean I thought they were dead! And now that they're back I'm completely overjoyed, but I just thought I would feel something more, something deeper. And I don't. Is that a bad thing?" I ask him. 

"No, I don't think so. Everyone deals with tragedy and major changes in their lives in different ways. Don't  question how you go about this just because you think it's not like how others go about it." He explains. ''I just have so much going on in my head, so many thoughts, so many struggles, it's just too much. I only sleep two hours a night, just so I can attempt and sort some of it out. And the list just doesn't stop growing. I can't make it stop." I say, holding my head.