"Get a room," Rian yelled.
I chuckled as I let Jack go. As my arms went down to my sides I stared into his beautiful brown eyes. I never quite understood my obsession with Jack's eyes, I mean eyes should be only eyes right? But that's only a lie, eyes show you the deepest parts of people, whether they be good or bad. In contrast to that I was never quite fond of brown eyes, I used to always notice blue or green eyes, because now that I think about it was all that caught my attention, only now as I stare into Jack's endless brown eyes I realize I was fond of the look of hope in his eyes, I was fond of all that they showed. It took me a while to realize that in a sense I was never fond of the eye color itself but I was fond of what the eye color gave off, and for some reason it took falling in love with a boy with scars on his wrist and a hope that it would get better.
The thing that I'd always loved about these boys who had somehow managed to become my friends, was how they didn't force you to talk about something that made you uncomfortable. I'm still yet to be questioned about my stay on the fouth floor.
I stared at Kellin, while the other three boys had a most likely pointless conversation. He and I were both sitting there without saying a word, only he was staring at the clouds while I studied him. Part of me was still curious about the reasoning behind him coming here, I assumed part of it being his father but they're had to be more. There were no cuts on his arms but nothing said there weren't more anywhere else. I looked at his eyes, I noticed how I'd managed to look at them while they were in a change from green to blue. If I simply had run into him in the streets I might have never given him a second look, though he was handsome, in a way he looked so plain, I wasn't sure exactly how to describe it, I mean he wasn't a tall guy, I towered over him, he wasn't very talkative either, I mean he rarely spoke a word even with us, but something that did catch my eye were his blue eyes, I looked into then in a way I was looking for something, but all I saw was a broken look, almost as if he had lost all hope of it ever getting better.
"I need to get to my therapy session, can one of you guys help me find it?" Kellin asked, still looking at the sky.
"I will," I replied getting up.
Kellin got up and began to walk towards the hospital with me. We walked into the building and right away Kellin became distracted with, well I was exactly sure with what, all I knew is that he was paying careful attention to where he stepped as he counted his steps.
"Kellin, can I ask you something, well, um, personal?" I asked.
He simply nodded in reply.
"Why are you in here?" I asked, "You seem, so normal."
"Well, when I was three I was diagnosised with autism, you see for me its not that bad, I just really get distracted easily and it's hard for me to pay attention during conversations, but I can live a pretty normal life, but my father he didn't see it that he, he saw his son as a mistake, my mother was understanding and she comforted me when he called me names. My dad always saw it as I choose to have have autism, he never saw it as something that I wished I didn't have," I looked at him when he said this and a tear when down his face. "One day my dad got drunk and he took out a belt and hit me, he-he kept saying how I didn't deserve to be touched by his hands. My mother came downstairs screaming and he hit her too, I couldn't stop crying when he did, that was the first time I'd been beaten by my dad. One day when I heard him calling me such fowl things to his friends, I found the pair of scissors my mom had bought me for school and I cut my legs, I knew that if my dad saw them on my wrists he would hurt me worse. I always have tried to pretend to be happy for my mom but I couldn't take it anymore, being known as retarded at school for something I never wanted then getting beat at home, I was always made fun of at school because I would always play music, I never had the patience to learn guitar and my father would never buy me one but I would always sing and I was made fun of for that, 'the retarded emo kid likes to sing' people would say to me, one day I had enough and my mom found me on top of our house ready to fall off."
"Kellin, words can not explain how sorry I am, I want you to know that you are not a mistake, and that you are much more than a retarded kid you are amazing and so strong," I said to him.
Kellin hugged me tightly once we arrived at the therapy room. I felt horrible, and I finally understood why he cried when his father didn't say goodbye.
I walked back outside and met up with the guys. I sat down next to Jack, I interwinded his fingers with mine. I laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. I listened closely to his heartbeat and I thought about Kellin, my heart broke every time I thought about how shitty he'd been treated when he was the most innocent person I'd ever met.
Once Kellin came back just in time for dinner he sat down next to me. We talked and we were at ease. We joked and laughed until curfew came and I went back to my room. Rian went to take a shower and I took out the song. I found a pen and I sat there and I thought about everything again and until the perfect line came to mind.
"My lungs gave out as I faced the crowd." I wrote remembering when I'd sung to Jack back in the rec room. How breathless I'd felt when I saw more than ten people watching me, but how Jack's smile had calmed me down.
"I think keeping this up could be dangerous," I wrote thinking of my suicidal thoughts, how if I keep up with them I would soon end up dead and no one would be able to save me. Though I wasn't sure I was against that anymore. In a way I'd always rather be dead then alive expect I hoped one day the good would out weight the bad.
"I'm flesh and bone, I'm a rolling stone."
A lot of things came to mind with this line, I thought of how I had thought I was unbreakable until I ended up in a hospital. I thought of Jack how he had been through hell and back and still managed to have hope that one day it would get better. I thought of Kellin how he had to push through his fathers abuse all of his life, and how he knew he was breakable but to his father he was nothing. I thought of this place how everyone in here had once thought they were okay but how they realized that they themselves needed help and how one day they'd move on.
"And the experts say I'm delirious." I thought back to all those therapy sessions my parents had forced me to attend, how every doctor said there was no way I was okay, how I needed help. I thought back to a few weeks ago when the doctor said I wasn't fucked up.
Once Rian got out of the shower, I followed. For the first time I got a sight of my cuts, though few were deep there were a lot. They still burned against the hot water. I hummed the few lines of the song I had while I showered.
I went to bed and I fell asleep quickly as I was tired from the day.
I woke up late and I rushed to breakfast, I took a breath in and just as I let it out, I noticed someone new sitting in my spot. He had long hair and though I couldn't see his face I was filled with jealousy when I saw him place his hand on Jack's arm.
YOU ARE READING
Mental Ward (Jalex)
Fanfiction{Can be triggering} Alex isn't happy with his life, one day he decides he'd had enough and attempts suicide, in a panic his parents take him the hospital and manage to save his life. When he wakes up he's told his parents have signed him into a ment...
