Mental Ward (Jalex)

Chapter eight

   Jack and I went outside, neither of us spoke a word. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to tell him that I was sure my world was breaking apart but how could I?

   We wandered around the grounds of the ward, every now and then I'd steal a glance at him and smile. I wondered in if noticed.

   "Alex, is everything okay?" He asked.

   "Why wouldn't it be?" I replied.

   "Because I can see it in your eyes," He said

   "See what?" I asked.

    "Do something for me and look at everyone here, look at their eyes and see if you notice."

    I began to look at everyone, at first I didn't see what Jack meant, I mean eyes are just eyes aren't they? But I began to see, sometimes their eyes would be full of life and you could tell they were going to be okay. Other times I'd look at their eyes and something seemed to be missing but I wasn't sure what it was.

     Jack spoke up and said, "Can't you see it in their eyes, they're dead inside."

     I finally saw it, they had smiles on their faces but inside they were broken. I felt my heart snap in two when I noticed this. Sometimes you'd see it start to come back when they laughed but the second someone remembered who they are, everything would leave them.

      Jack and I stayed there in silence for a while. Every once in a while I'd look at him and something in me changed. It was so small I almost didn't notice it, but it made me feel great. As looked at him I noticed him, I truly noticed him. His brown eyes how amazing they really were, I noticed how somehow he still had life in them. How amazing his smile really was. I wanted to stare at him forever, I wanted to memorize his every feature. I wanted to just lean in and kiss him.

      I shook my head in a failed attempt to erase these thoughts from my mind, to maybe think of something else. I got up and went off to find Rian, I turned to see if Jack had followed me but sadly he hadn't. I scratched at my casts, these things were much more annoying then I'd thought they'd be. I noticed how a few of my cuts that weren't covered by a cast where still a deep shade of red. I studied them. I remembered how much I'd wanted to kill myself that night and in that moment I wasn't sure whether I'd still do it if I had the chance. I read what some people had written on my casts. Most simply signed their names , a few wrote a small message, then there was Jack's that still made me smile when I looked at it.

     I smiled at it all the way to my room. When I walked in I was about to walk in when through the window I was Rian making out with some girl I'd seen him with a few days before.

     "Nope," I whispered before walking away.

      I began to wander around the ward. I usually tried to stay in the Depression unit as I knew it almost by heart now, but instead I went into the eating disorder unit. I was walking around and I wondered about Jack. I wondered how he was at the worst time of his life. I thought about how he probably had to have been stick skinny at sometime.

     I looked inside of one of the windows and I saw a girl, she couldn't have been older than 12. She was so skinny, she looked so sad. Her hair was falling out in most places and her eyes were almost grey. She had so many IVs in her arms. She saw me looking and somehow smiled at me. I walked into the room and sat down next to her.

     "Hi, I'm Alex what's your name?" I asked.

     "Izzy," She replied.

     "How are you?"

     "Are you an angel?" She asked.

     "No, why do you think I'm an angel?"

     "Because you're so beautiful," She replied.

     "You're beautiful," I said.

     "No I'm not," she confessed, "I'm hideous, I know I am, and I've accepted it."

     "Don't think that, you're beautiful in your own way."

      She smiled at me once again, and she closed her eyes and fell asleep, at least I hoped.

      I went back out into the halls and I felt like shit, Izzy was so amazing and by the looks of it she's probably gonna die soon and it kills me inside. I wondered around again not daring to look in any windows. I made my way outside, Izzy not leaving my mind for a minute. I went outside and sat on a bench, I watched everyone and I saw how different everyone really was, but how no one was actually happy, or looked like they'd been for so long.

     As dusk approached I saw Jack walk out of the building. He didn't see me, but I saw him. I watched him walk around, I saw him remember something funny and smile. Even his smile could make me smile now.

      I wasn't even sure why I was watching him. He was my best friend here why couldn't I go up to him? I felt almost nervous to. Almost like I had butterflies.