After we left hell, I was so done with well everything and everyone, by everyone I meant the therapist of course. I didn't feel like actually being social today so I wondered the halls. I was never sure as to why I was allowed to do this but I didn't question it. I never had a destination in mind, all I wanted was to get lost in here, just get lost. I walked around, and I saw all sorts of people in here. I noticed the people walking around in an attempt to find their room, I assumed this was their first day. I also saw people who I knew to be visitors from the look in their eyes. I somehow made my way to the waiting room. I wasn't allowed to actually enter it, but I stood in the hall leading to it and watched. I was only there for an hour but I saw two things that somehow broke my heart.
I saw a boy with light blue eyes and longish hair, probably around my age get dropped off here by his parents. He looked so sad, his eyes looked almost lifeless and his skin was so pale I could've assumed him being a vampire, but then I also saw the tears in his eyes as his dad walked off without giving him a second look. His mom held him close as his dad walked back to the car. They uttered some words that I couldn't make out then the boy went with a nurse into the ward. I wanted to follow him but hell I still didn't even know my way back to the depression unit how was I going to find him. After about twenty minutes I saw a girl, probably no older than 15 get released. She walked out with a huge smile on her face, I honestly thought she was glowing. When she walked out though, no one stood to greet her. She went to the nurse and I assumed she asked if anyone had come to claim her, but sadly no one did. She sat down in a chair and fiddled with her fingers and waited for someone to arrive. She sat there, her smile fading as each minute passed. After almost another twenty minutes a boy came and she almost jumped into his arms. First I thought he was her brother, as he looked slightly older than she, and she seemed to be comfortable with him, but I realized he was her boyfriend once she kissed him. I was happy for her, she was getting to go home with her love, but when the nurses passed by they stopped in a near by corner and I heard them say how they knew she'd come back, how she'd said it was her boyfriend who got her into drugs and how that led to self harm. I felt my heart snap in half, I couldn't understand how could she still love him even though he was the cause and the center of her self destruction.
I started to make my way back but I was so fucking lost that I couldn't even make out what ward I was in. I'd been wandering around for so long that all the halls seemed to mimick each other. I'd passed by so many nurses that it actually showed how little they cared about me, as to why I didn't ask them for help, that was a question even I couldn't answer. I finally came across a nurse who actually gave a rats' ass about me.
"Hey, sweetheart are you lost?" she asked.
"Um, yes, sorry, I wanted to go outside for a walk and I couldn't find the door," I lied.
"Follow me honey," she said. "What unit are you in?"
"The depression one," I replied.
"Do you know your room number?"
"No but I'm roommates with Rian, if that's any help."
"Rian, Rian Dawson?" she asked.
"Yes," I answered.
"He's one of my favorite patients," she said with a smile.
We walked the halls in silence, I kept looking around in a hope that Jack would appear and save me, but of course he didn't.
"This is your stop," she said, as we reached my room. "Now don't wander around again unless if you know your way because your privileges will be taken away."
I nodded as she walked away and I sat down in my bed. I began to wonder what it was like to work here with so many people who would be willing to kill themselves in an instant. I imagined what it'd be like to see all our scars and hear all our screams and not be haunted by it at night. I couldn't understand why someone would choose to work in this hell hole, why someone would wake up every day of their life to come here and sit with so many fucked up teenagers who many would do anything to get to die. I also wondered what it'd be like to see this place through the eyes of a nurse, how they had to be the ones to pick us up when we were down, how they had seen people go from being suicial teenagers to healthy adults but how they'd also seen people go six feet under and they swore they were okay. No matter how many reasons I could think of I couldn't understand why someone would come, maybe the pay was good but was it worth all the sad faces every day? Was anything really worth the mental pain I imagined working here caused? In my opinion no, nothing was worth working here with so many people with mental disorders and others who were called mentally insane.
I heard the bell signaling lunch and I groaned and got up. I walked down the hall and I was instantly shoved in a group.
"This is why I always go early," I thought.
After what felt like years, I was pushed into the cafeteria, I picked up my food, and I found my way to Jack. He was sitting with Zack and Roan, but also a new face was there. Once I sat down I recognized him as the boy whose father had refused to say goodbye as he was dropped off.
"Alex, this is Kellin," Zack introduced us.
"Hi," I said giving him a small wave.
He smiled at me and looked back down at his food. I tried not to take it personally as he had just been dropped off no more than an hour ago.
We ate and cracked jokes here and there slowly Kellin became more comfortable with us, he eventually started continuing our banter. After a while I decided I did like this kid, but no matter how many smiles he faked I still saw the boy with tears in his eyes as his father refused to say goodbye.
YOU ARE READING
Mental Ward (Jalex)
Fanfiction{Can be triggering} Alex isn't happy with his life, one day he decides he'd had enough and attempts suicide, in a panic his parents take him the hospital and manage to save his life. When he wakes up he's told his parents have signed him into a ment...
