"So, Alex, I heard that you're best friends parents recently passed, how does that make you feel?" My therapist asked.
"I'm not sure," I replied
"How so?"
"I'm not sad that they died, I never met them, but I'm sad for Jack, not because he doesn't have a family to back to but because he never had one but because he's more alone now more than he'll ever be."
"I see," He said while jotting down some notes.
I looked around the room, it was filled with his diplomas and awards.
"I heard about how you reopened your cuts," He said, "why'd you feel the need to do it?"
"I'm not sure," I replied, "all I remember was it making me feel, it made me actually feel again."
After a couple minutes I walked out and I went to find Rian. He was with a group of his friends, I looked at him and simply walked away, I didn't wanna annoy him. I walked around the courtyard, there were so many different places here it was quite beautiful actually. I wandered around and I found a spot under a tree and thought about my life. I thought about how a little over two weeks ago I was a loner but now I actually had friends, I wasn't anywhere near happy but I was getting there. I thought about Jack, I'd been thinking about him a lot recently, I thought about his warm smile and his eyes I could look at them until the day I died. The thought of him made me smile, it was strange but I couldn't stop thinking of him.
I got up and I began to walk to Jack's room, on my way there a wave of anxiety came over me. At first I was fine but then the thought that maybe all of my friends hated me crept into my mind, I thought about how happy Rian was without me, how Jack could easily move on without me, how Zack didn't need me, and suddenly I couldnt stop I began to shake I had to sit down as I didn't trust my feet to hold me up, I couldn't breath anymore I tried to get the tiniest bit of air into my lungs but it felt as if I were drowning, I began to cry, every bad thought I'd ever had came to me in a panic, every time I'd cut, every reason behind it, it all came back in a wave and I began to scream, I screamed for help, I started to pull at my own hair, I wanted it to stop, I wanted to be okay again. I knew it looked horrible, a seventeen year old boy acting almost like a child but I could help it I need it to stop I need help. Soon the nurses came they helped me calm down, it was all a blur to me. They took me to my room and laid me down. It felt like an eternity, eventually I was calmed down enough to talk about what happened.
"Alex are you okay?" A nurse asked.
'Well no fucking shit I'm not okay, I just had a goddamn panic attack' I thought but instead I only replied with "I think I'm better."
I wasnt allowed to go out for the rest of the day, they didn't even let Rian in until it was almost curfew. I guess Rian knew better than to ask what happened, or he didn't really care as he took a shower and didn't talk to me until morning.
I woke up at seven like usual and went to breakfast. I grabbed my food and sat down next to Jack.
"You okay?" Jack asked, "wait let me rephrase that you're not gonna be okay, are you feeling better?"
I just nodded.
Jack and I ate in silence which automatically made me believe it was gonna be a bad day.
YOU ARE READING
Mental Ward (Jalex)
Fanfiction{Can be triggering} Alex isn't happy with his life, one day he decides he'd had enough and attempts suicide, in a panic his parents take him the hospital and manage to save his life. When he wakes up he's told his parents have signed him into a ment...
