Naalipungatan ako ng maramdaman ko ang kamay niya sa may bewang ko at nilapat niya ang katawan niya sa likuran ko para yakapain ako. Hindi ko na napansin na nakatulog ako. Kanina lang kasi ay pinagmamasdan ko siya habang natutulog sa tabi ko.
Matapos ang insidente sa bathroom ay hindi na siya nagsalita. Tahimik lang siya buong araw kasama ko na para bang pinapakiramdaman niya ako. Pero kahit tahimik siya lagi niya akong hinihila o sinasama kung nasaan siya. We ate in silence, we watched the sunset in silence and he just held my hand or laid his head on my shoulder in silence. At hindi rin ako nagsalita. Sa tagal ko ng pagtuturo ng deaf and mute pamilyar ako sa katahimikan.
“I dreamt you were gone.” Bulong niya sa may tenga ko. Hindi ko alam kung napansin niyang nagising niya ako.
“No…I told you I will stay.” Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya na nasa may tiyan ko at mukhang nabigla siya na gising ako.
“Thank you for staying…”
“No prob…just cook me breakfast in the morning.” Gusto ko talagang gawin lighter ang mood sa pagitan namin.
“Will you still be here when I wake up later?” There was urgency in his voice. Hindi ko alam kung anong napanaginipan niya at ganito ang mga tanong niya. Humarap ako sa kanya. His eyes were searching mine.
“Of course. Basta nga ipagluluto mo ako ng agahan. Gusto ko masarap.” Hindi siya ngumiti pero halata ko kahit madilim ang pagkisap ng mga mata niya dahil sa sinabi ko.
“What about next morning will you still be here?”
“If you want me to.”
“How about the day after tomorrow? And the next, next, next morning?” Napangiti ako. Para siyang bata dahil napakarami niyang tanong. Hinawakan ko ang mukha niya.
“I will stay as long as you want me to stay.” Ngumiti ako sa kanya. “Basta pagluluto mo ako ng agahan. Hindi kasi ako morning person, Ezekiel.”
“I am morning person.”
“Then good, I will sleep till late and when I wake up my breakfast will be ready.”
“Can I tell you something?” Nag-iba ang tono ng pananalita niya.
“Anything.”
“If…if…I tell you something…will you…will you still be here when I wake up?” There was uneasiness to his voice.
“Baby…I will stay not only until morning but I will stay in your life no matter what.”
“I…I killed someone when I was sixteen. She was the only girl who took the risk on me that time…I... and I killed her.” Hindi nagregister kaagad sa akin ang sinabi niya. Nakatingin lang ako sa kanya at tahimik siya. Inaalam niya ang maari kong maging reaksyon. Hindi ko alam ang dapat kong sabihin.
"I...I was in the influence of drugs and I beat her to death...I beat her to death because I was jealous and I was sick in the head." Ramdam ko ang pag-aalinlangan niya.
"My rage was out of control. I...I totally forgot what have had happened because I just saw myself on the floor in the morning...I passed out. I...I saw blood on my hands."
"I was horrified...I...I looked for her in the room and she wasn't there. I searched for her and I found her in the bathroom. Her...her both wrist slashed open and there were pools of blood on her side. She...she was dead. She...she was full of bruises from my beating...I killed her...I..." His voice broke and he was shaking again. "I killed her...she...she was the one who stood by my side during that time but I killed her. Whenever we got into a fight I beat her and abused her but she didn't leave me...but...but in the end I...I killed her..." Hindi ako makapagsalita sa ibinunayag niya. I'm finding words to say but words failed me. "I am a horrible person..."
