Love, Loss and Living

Unexpected Crisis Chapter 14

Tina walked into Dr. Crons office for her regular session.  Tina had been seeing Dr. Cron twice a week per Dr. Cron's recommendation as neither were sure how Tina would respond once she started talking about her dysfunctional family history. They had been talking about a lot of things that had happened over the course of Tina's life in the previous sessions, but today Tina needed to talk about Bette.  Helena gave her some very concerning information about Bette's current health.  Tina was worried but she wasn't quite sure how to approach the situation.  Helena offered to send the company plane to Los Angeles to come get Tina. Helena had said she was worried and Tina should come. It appeared that Bette was having some significant problems as she transitioned into Menopause.  Bette had passed out at work and she was taken to the Emergency at the hospital. Bette had to have a transfusion of two units because of her low volume levels. Helena said that Bette made her promise not to call anyone especially Tina. She also said that it was looking like Bette was going to need surgery to address the concern, but they were waiting the results from the tests. Helena, in an attempt to reassure Tina, told her that Peggy had gotten Bette the best gynecologist when Bette first brought up concerns. Tina's first instinct was to get to New York, but her rational brain said slow down and wait to see what comes up with the tests. Tina did not want to upset Bette anymore with her presence. She told Helena to send the plane so it would be ready if she needs to get to New York. Tina's phone rang just as Dr. Cron walked up to get her. She noticed it was a call from Helena and she let it go to her voice mail.

"Good afternoon, Tina, how are you," Dr. Cron said with a smile. 

"Well, I have been better," Tina said as she sat down across from the doctor.

"What's going on?"

"It always amazes me that when problems happen, they happen like an avalanche," Tina began.  "Angie got sent home from camp because she was ditching with her girlfriend.  We did not know that Jordi was at the camp.  And..." Tina sighed, "Bette's sick.  I'm not sure how bad yet, but she has told our friend, who is in New York with her, not to call me.  Helena Peabody, who is the friend, says I should come," Tina's eyes begin to well up.  "Oh my God, how did we get here.  If I lose her," Tina grabs a tissue.  "I don't know what I would do.  And, if I go..." Tina sighs, "I have hurt her so much, I don't even know if I have the right to be by her side."  

"It seems like you are in a pretty tough position.  Kinda like 'dammed if I do and dammed if I don't'.  What do you want to do?  And what feels right?"  Dr. Cron asked.

"I know we love each other, that has never been the issue. I think there just has been so much..." Tina gestured with her hands.  "Me leaving, touched on so many issue with Bette.  Her mother leaving her, is probably the biggest one.  Bette has such enormous fears of abandonment.  Angie told me that losing Kit rocked Bette's world and then add what I did."  Tina shook her head.  "She had told me so many times over the years, that I was the only one who got through her defenses. She had been described to me as someone who could impeccably manage her emotions and was affected by very little. This of course was not true, I am not even sure how but I broke through all those barriers that were so well hidden and surrounded her heart after her mother left.  She trusted me with her heart, and then I leave her almost exactly the way her mother did, with no clear explanation.  How is she ever going to trust me again?"   

"At some point you are going to have to stop beating yourself up about what happened between the two of you.  A marriage is about two people. You have to own your part in it of course, but not everything. We have talked about how marriage is a journey that both people take together. We'll get back to that, but as far as your ex wife's illness, maybe looking at the health crisis situation by itself may be the best way to approach any decision making around this issue right now.  This is an extra ordinary situation, make your decision separate from the emotional issues within your relationship, try that point of view."