Love, Loss and Living

Revelations Chapter 11

Tina's emotions had been stirred the entire evening.  Bette's entrance was breathtaking and brought forth emotions and awoke areas of her body that had not responded to Bette in years.  Tina's troubled mind was having increasing difficulty hiding feelings for her ex-wife that she had thought had long been gone.  She was not sure what was going on with her, but she felt like she was coming out of a fog.  As she emerged from this place that clouded her perceptions, she began to see the carnage of emotional hurt she had left behind.  Bette borne the worst of it, but Angie had received her fair share.  These thoughts were running through her mind as she watched Bette turn and head towards the door.  As Tina rose, she thought what am I doing.  She looked at Carrie and hesitated, then excused herself and quickly headed after Bette.

Tina reached the door in time to see Bette hand her ticket to the Valet. "Bette," Tina called out as she walked quickly towards her.

The confident and in control persona that Bette paraded around inside slowly left as her shoulders and head dropped upon hearing her name called out by a voice she would never forget. Bette took a deep calming breath in an attempt to gain control of her fragile emotions as she slowly turned to face Tina.

Bette looked past Tina trying to hide her emotions from the one person that Bette had the hardest time hiding anything.  Bette struggled with looking Tina in her eyes, but finally was able to hold her gaze. 

"Bette," Tina started, in that familiar loving tone.  "You were amazing."

Bette gave Tina a half smile as she waited for what she felt would be another bomb dropped on her.

"I... I'm not sure how to say this."  Tina paused, "So much has happened... I don't even know where to begin," Tina said sadly.  "I guess... I guess I should start with I'm sorry," and with those words the tears began to fall. 

Shane had been watching Tina all night.   It was obvious Tina was struggling with something, so when Tina excused herself and headed towards the door, Shane knew that this was long awaited.  She sat at the table for a few minutes, glancing at the women at the table, noticing that Carrie had also watched Tina walk out the door.  She was struggling in her mind with what to do.  Should she follow, she thought to herself.  But their need for privacy caused her to hesitate for a few minutes, then she rose and excused herself.  Shane reached the exit just as Tina began to talk.  She could barely hear what was being said, but their body language said it all.  Two lost lovers trying to find their way, destine to be together, but thwart with circumstances neither seemed to understand or control.

Bette stood there watching, not moving towards Tina to console nor leaving to escape.  "Tina," Bette said solemnly.  "I can't do this right now... please," she said pleadingly as she lowered her head. 

Tina looked at Bette and for the first time in a long time she did not ignore what she saw, the deep hurt she had caused showing in Bette's eyes, unhidden and raw for all to see.  An image that was so uncharacteristic of the Bette Tina knew, yet so like the evolved Bette everyone now knew. 

"I have to say this before you leave.  Something I have come to see and understand over the last few months, probably longer if I think about it."  Tina struggled with finding the right words.  "Things have gotten so mixed up, I'm not sure about anything, except for one thing," Tina paused and looked at Bette, hoping she had bought herself a few minutes. 

Carrie watched Shane walk quickly towards the same exit as Bette and Tina.  Carrie knew instantly what was about to happen. Her heart felt heavy.  Carrie saw a look on Tina's face while she was looking at Bette, a look that Carrie could only wish was for her.  She excused herself and made her way to the door.  She slowly took a few steps to stand besides Shane.  Shane looked at Carrie and saw in her eyes that she knew the truth. Carrie probably knew it all long, but denied it to herself, that she never truly had Tina's heart.