My little Rants/ Side thoughts

Self love and change

It has been a while, so let me update you, but first here's a lil' recap. SELF LOVE IS FREAKING AMAZING!!!!! After that whole mess in October I was a mess. The girl involved had the nerve to tell me to get over it. I got pissed, she got pissed things happened. The dude and I are still kind of friends, but that friendship will never be the same.

Long story short, he got a girl now. His girlfriend is AWESOME, and I feel bad because sometimes I like her better than him. For the girl who started it all, she will be back in the Fall and eventually I'll have to face her. Especially since we're in the same unit. I've worked on keeping personal from professional this semester because that was our unit goal. So if/when she comes back I wish her well.

Anyways, I used to hate photos because I felt I wasn't good enough for them. I always saw some sort of flaw in the photos, unless it was a photo with my friends and we all looked goofy. As you know in October I felt like a piece of shit, so since then I challanged myself to take more photos and practice self love. Let me tell you first hand, it works. I've had highs and lows, but this is the first time that I've felt okay. Like I feel like myself again, but a more confident and sexier version.

If you would have told me in October or November that I would've made new friends and become even closer to some of them I wouldn't have believed you. I hate that it took me feeling broken to branch out, but hey everything happens for a reason. Self love has made me look more on the brighter side, but with all that has happened I changed. My humor, though still full of dad jokes, has grown more dark.

The idea of death no longer scares me, I welcome it. I'm not suicidal, but if I died right now I wouldn't be upset. I could say I was a good person and lived a descent life. It's kind of sad though because some of my teachers have grown concerned for my mental health. Another thing that has evolved it my sarcasm. I've always been a smartass, but I'm not kidding when I say I now I say sarcastic commens without trying. They just happen.