My little Rants/ Side thoughts

Reflection is not bad

Being on break has given me a lot of time to reflect. I look back and I am truly over what happened in September. I have healed because I don't have toxic people in my life anymore. I'm not broken anymore. I don't lay awake at night thinking about life. Actually I do, just not about that kind of stuff anymore. There is however, a small crack if that makes sense. I'm not broken just cracked.

That crack makes me stronger. I could just put a band-aid over it and pretend nothing ever happened like most people would, but I'm not going to. I chose to leave the crack because it makes me more cautious. It makes me think before I act. It makes me a better nurturer because I know what it's like to feel lost and broken. I don't ever want to forget that so I can protect my friends and "children" at school. I want to be the positive influence, like many have been to me. The one who graduates and two years later people still remember you.

There's a saying that goes "forgive and forget." Forgiving is the easy part, forgetting is the hard part. I will never forget what happened, or if I do it will take a while. Am I holding what happened against them? No, because I can't change anything. I have no beef with anyone anymore. I simply state the facts, if people get mad at me then that's their fault. My opinion isn't gonna change and I'm gonna keep living. I'm still Niani, I'm just stronger than I was before.

Since I've been into high school I've changed. I'm no longer as naive as I used to be. I still believe there's no such thing as a bad person. Just people who do bad things and stupid things. Our reasons change for different scenarios, but it boils down to that. I'm no angel, I do stupid stuff too. The only difference is, I use my experiences to get stronger every time.

I don't want to change my past. Those experiences made me who I am today. Both good and bad, they made me, me. I don't hold grudges because it's exhausting to do so. Plus what do you really win? Absolutely nothing but maybe a bitter personality. I choose to be better and stronger. I write this to rant and to spread my experiences for good. I use my voice for the better of humanity. I don't seek pity or try to stir stuff up. I want to make a difference in this world, even if I have to get hurt to do so.

If things get brought up multiple times it's because I thought about it or I reflect like I'm doing now. I look back to laugh or to remind myself yo not make the same mistakes. I reflect to see growth much like a mental chart. I don't start stuff, that's not who I am. I avoid drama at all costs because it's exhausting and is a total buzzkill. I don't have to famous, popular, or have a lot of friends. I don't know where my life will take me, but I want to be able to say I did something when I die. I want to be in the casket going good job you made the world less miserable. Even if it's something small, that's one small step towards a better society.