Love: Yourself Challenge

Day 169 😌

Before I get into this post, there are a few things I have to explain. Honestly, part of the reason why I left my home in Georgia was because of depression. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my family. However, I would always compare myself to my sisters that are around my age. I have a twin named Jenny, and a younger sister who is 22 named Rechael. When I saw that they were doing better than me, it made me feel a lot of pressure and I felt inadequate. This wasn't the only reason why I left, but it was a big part.

Also, even though this was a bad day for me, I am doing SO much better than I used to. 2018 was the worst year of my life for sure. I would sometimes not want to move because of how miserable I felt. I settled with a job I hated, and I didn't appreciate my loved ones as much as I do now, even though they were always there for me. There were also a lot of instances where I almost succeeded in. .getting rid of myself, but now, I am glad they failed.

I am doing a lot better now, and even if there are times I may not win the battle, I am still winning the war, and my joy is showing that. 💜💜💜 Anyway, onto the post!
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This is the end of Day 169 for me. To be honest, it hasn't been the best day for me, but it's ending on a better note. 😌

Depression can be hard, especially when it comes out of nowhere. Like, earlier today, I did talk to my family about how I missed being physically intimate with someone, and I felt better momentarily. But then, while I was playing blocks with Tre, I felt really down out of nowhere.

I don't get depressed merely as much as I used to, but it still happens from time to time and unfortunately, tonight was one of the nights. It made me feel sad when I didn't know what caused it either.

But that's why, when I don't really know how to talk about what's wrong, I become very grateful to things like YouTube and Vlive. Today, I watched Min Suga do a Vlive, and just how calm he was while doing it made me feel better. ☺️💜

I know it makes me look bad when I leave everyone to take care of myself, but I'm not good at faking my emotions. And when I can't tell you what's wrong, I'd rather take care of the issue I'm having and talk about it later than let it fester and potentially ruin a good vibe that was created.

But yeah. 😌 I'm doing better now, and I'm going to get some sleep. I hope you guys have a great night and sweet dreams. 😌 I love you guys, and hope you love or will come to love yourselves, too. 😌💜