Insights

Life's Tempests: Self Doubt

Life is not always easy. This is an easy truth to accept when the trials are slow and understandable, but it grows ever more harsh when you are standing in the middle of your own, personal tempest.
I have often stood in these tempests, trying to position myself at the eye of the storm and just begging the storm passes by.
The problem with life's tempests, is they are always changing. What gets to you one day, will be easy to ignore the next, and the storm ceases.
What comes another day is entirely different from past tempests and, in the moment, feels worst than any other storm faced before.
One of the hardest tempests to face, is very personal and very real.
It is Self Doubt.
I have often found myself standing in this tempest, incredibly annoyed with myself as I looked at my potential and where I fell below.
I was reminded of my identity.
I am a daughter of God. I know this. Am I embracing this though? Sometimes I feel I am not.
I know I have great potential. I have seen it work before. Engrained in me is the abiltiy to do incredible things -and as a missionary- I am set apart to do so.
Why then, do I often fall short of what I know I can do? Falling short reminds me of how small and weak I am. Even if I tried, would I even be taken seriously? Am I even trying hard enough? Am I serious about this work?
These thoughts often fill my head. As they filled my mind they whipped around and started to tear at everything I once found stable.
Amis this incredible tempest, I found my heart starting to sink.
As it started to reach an all-time low, a crystal clear voice came into my head.
"Never let Satan know if it's working."
This thought inturrupted the whirlwind, and I was forced to think. These thoughts were from Satan and I should treat them as such. It was up to me if I let them have an effect.
As soon as I listened to that one thought of clarity many others came, flowing my mind even more than those whirlwinds.
I was reminded why I was even here. I am here to learn and to grow, and I am learning much from these challenges.
Maybe I am not filling my potential now, in this moment, but these challenges will help me fill my potential at a later time.
I realize that it is okay if I am not always perfect, God knows and is proud of me, sometimes if only for just living. Surviving sometimes is enough to succeed.
So, when I feel down sometimes it takes a stepping back. Trying to imagine the whirlwind from above my view. Where is this taking me?
Perhaps whirlwinds are carrying us where we need to go.
For now I will try to relax, try to understand and realize that God knows exactly where he needs me.

I know when each of us feel discouraged it is helpful to step back and recognize what we are learning from these experiences. If all else, they help us understand others more. I can promise as I have seen countless times in mine and other's lives that the storms pass. How long the storm lasts? That is different for all of us, however, they always pass.

I know that true and lasting peace can be felt in Christ amise every storm. Let us always remember him and the incredible safety he offers. He will never make you feel discouraged, sad, broken hearted or hopeless. He encourages, gladens, heals us and offers us hope.