Insights

The Mediator

I am the type of person who likes to do it all myself. I would rather say I can handle it than ask for help. I want to prove I am capable of handling every situation, emotion and trial entirely on my own.
I suppose I felt this way, because my own thoughts told me that sharing a burden meant a burden on someone else. Trials are meant to be faced alone, aren't they?
This independent streak is rooted in me, and for the longest time, it was the best thing.
Or so I thought.
There came a time where I needed help. I needed help desperately but I felt this too needed to be handled on my own.
Why would a burden another with my troubles when they have so many of their own?
I would willingly help others with their struggles, but refused to have another lift a finger for me.
Sadly, this seeming independence led to a hole too deep to get out of, worn into the ground by heavy feet unwilling to stop.
I was finally forced to a halt, still wanting to do it on my own but unable to take another step into the sinkhole.
It was then I found, to my suprise, a man sitting by my side, holding a heavy burden identical to mine.
I recognized him as my savior.
I should have understood, but I didn't.
"How are you here?" I questioned, "I carried the load myself, why are you carrying it too?"
He smiled at me sadly. "Did I not suffer for all your burdens?"
I nodded, but felt no less confused. "Yes, but if I take care of it on my own, you shouldn't have to."
The Savior shook his head. "I chose to take on me ALL your trials, if you ask for my help or not."
My eyes widened with the realization. I thought that if I handled my own sins he did not have to. I thought when I used the atonement, I hurt my Savior.
Reading my thoughts, he rested his hand on my shoulder. "Do you know what it means to be a mediator?"
I nodded, remembering the familiar parable. "A mediator is who pays what we cannot, but if I pay for my own mistakes, you do not have to."
"I have paid for all your sins."
"If I try to do it myself, two people pay instead of one?"
He nodded slowly. "Do you understand what I am teaching you?"
I sat there, thinking as the parable replayed in my head.
God is Justice, we are Mercy and Christ is the Mediator.
We all are in debt to God, so deeply it is impossible for us to pay. God cannot be robbed and justly requires payment. We ask for Mercy.
If we receive mercy, justice is robbed and God is wronged.
If Justice is served there is no mercy.
Neither can be satisfied without destroying the other, which is why we need a mediator.
Through the Mediator, the debt is paid to justice and mercy is given to the debtor. Both laws are satisfied.
What I did not understand is this: the Mediator has already paid our debts completely. So when we refuse help, we are trying to pay the debt again. When we do this, mercy is ignored, Justice is frustrated and the Mediator is rudely pushed away.
In light of this parable, I realized that when I refused help, it was a greater burden for everyone than if I accepted.
It is more just to accept help than to refuse it.
The savior remained by my side patiently. "What have you learned?"
"You have suffered for me, I do not have to."
He smiled and nodded. "What will you do?"
Without hesitation, I threw my arms around him. I felt that burden disappear completely, and when I opened my eyes I was no longer in that dark groove.
I was finally able to continue on my walk, and this time, I asked for help.
It is more just to ask for help than it is to do it on your own.