Depression » hjs

Chapter 6

My body is already tired.

My eyes wants to close forever.

Myself wants to die right now.

But, my mind keeps telling me it wasn't the right time.. yet.

Forcefully, I let go the blade and heavily breath out. I stare at my wrist and sigh, when I saw my wrist full of scars and some are still fresh cuts and don't already have a space for new cuts.

Is this how I live?

Since from the beginning, it was all my fault. My parents died because of me. My sister died in front of me without me doing anything to help her to help them. I wish I wasn't that scared. I wish I could save them. I wish I knew. I wish I am in their position. I wish I'm the one who just died. They're good people and I'm not. So why did I just die and not them? I'm the one who should blame everything.

Tears begun to fall. I don't know when will I stop crying because of my past. I want to give up. But, I know I have to be brave and continue to live. But, I still can't without them. Life is worthless if there's no family.

"Stop crying, Y/n..." I taught to myself and wipe my tears. But, still no use. They continue to fall.

The four corners of the room, filled with my sobs. I close my eyes and continue to cry.

"I'm already tired..." I whisper and push my back against the side of my bed. My right hand suddenly fall besides me and touch the cold floor.

After that night in noraebang with Joshua and his friends, I immediately went home without them noticing. I just can't stay there with them any longer. My system can't take it anymore. I already want to go home.

And this is the result, after I went home. Negative thoughts cross my mind again. And because I have this called depression... I'm being carried away by my negative thoughts.

Depression is a silent killer. There's so many people like me with depression. And when they die, they're not the one to blame. Depression is. Depression can push you do something that might hurt yourself until it leads you to death, depression already killed you.

Depression is a silent killer, The person whom smiles alot turns out to be harming their selves. One day, you see someone smiling. The next day, you found them dead. Talking about depression is not attention-seeking because millions are suffering from it. And I'm one of it.

I stands up and walk towards of the mirror. Is this is how I already look like? My hair are too long, that the end of my hair already reach under my butt. I look pale, I already have my dark eyebags. I stare at myself for a few minutes before wiping my tears away. I glance at my side table and saw a scissors. I slowly took it and slowly point it towards my hair.

And there.

I cut my own hair.

From my long hair to short hair.

I cut it until it reach my neck.

I stare at myself once again.

I can't already recognize my new
self. New looks is not that bad. The new hair suits me.

"Not that bad." I slowly look down to see the strands of my hair laying on the cold floor. I sit and pick up my hairs and walk towards of my trashcan before throwing it there.