NOTE:
this chapter begins after another timeskip. jongho is now fifteen, and the older boys are sixteen.
also, TRIGGER WARNING:
this chapter includes mentions/descriptions of self harm and attempted suicide. read with caution.
jongho stares down at the picture on his phone screen. it was a family picture that they'd taken when they went on a trip that last summer.
he had a million thoughts running through his head. he thought back on the last few years.
his brothers were now sixteen, they seemed so old to him. it was weird to see them growing that tall and becoming more mature.
yunho had just gotten his driver's license. yeosang had gotten so much better at talking, nearly perfect. san found a big group of friends that he and wooyoung tended to spend more time with than they did at home. mingi had a few months where his depression returned, but he recovered well. wooyoung was also soon to get his license, and had gotten really deep into the world of makeup.
and then there was jongho.
he'd begun wearing a metaphorical mask—he was suffering in silence.
his depression and anxiety came back after a whole summer of feeling happy and motivated, and he even secretly started to self harm again.
it wasn't all bad; he became really close friends with eunsoo, the person who he'd defended so long ago.
there was still an issue, though.
jongho has developed a huge crush on them.
he figured it would never work out, and so he concealed his feelings in an effort to preserve their friendship. he decided that it would be better to keep them as a friend then lose them to a simple crush he had.
but, now, in present day, jongho had had enough. he was miserable, still getting bullied at school, and still hiding away at home.
he was done with trying to fix it, he didn't want to deal with anything anymore.
and now, he was on a public bus, alone, with what must be an obvious intent in mind.
the bus stopped, and he stood up and got off. he threw his hood over his head and walked quickly down the dark sidewalk. he felt his phone start to ring, and saw that seonghwa was calling him.
and without a second thought, he declined it.
"h-he ended it..." seonghwa muttered.
"is there a way to track his phone? do we call the police? c-could he have left a note anywhere—" hongjoong thought desperately about what to do.
yeosang, who was standing in the kitchen with yunho, immediately ran to jongho's room, in search of a possible note. yunho was busy trying to find a tracking app that could find jongho's location. seonghwa was texting the youngest, begging him to tell him where he was, and saying he loves him.
"i'll find something... w-we have to find something.." hongjoong said, trying to find a way to find the boy.
seonghwa felt tears well up in his eyes as he reread the text jongho had sent earlier.
jongho: goodbye, i'm sorry, i love you all so much
"dad! i got something! i found his location, the app worked!" yunho suddenly yelled.
"oh my god—get in the car, hwa, call the police."
jongho sighed and leaned on the railing. he was on a tall bridge, with cars passing by on the road behind him. the boy felt a bit at peace, he wasn't in a rush to do anything.
this gave him time to think. he wanted to just get it over with, but something was holding him back.
there was a voice in his head, telling him to answer his family's calls, telling him to read seonghwa's texts, telling him to go home.
he stared down at the water, everything going quiet.
his phone stopped ringing, the cars behind him became inaudible, and he tuned out the sound of the water and people walking by. he stayed like that for longer than he thought he did.
jongho then realized how silent it was, and took it as a sign that he should just jump.
and so, he climbed up onto the railing.
right as he was going to let go, he heard a familiar voice shouting his name.
"jongho!" seonghwa yelled.
the boy turned around, seeing seonghwa, hongjoong, yunho, yeosang, and a group of police officers approaching. he suddenly felt panicked.
"don't come closer! stop!" he then yelled.
the group stopped. "jongho, don't do it! please!" "why shouldn't i? nothing is getting better!" "but it will! you just have to trust me, and let us help you! we're all here for you!" hongjoong yelled.
"how is it helping if it still hurts?"
jongho began to cry as soon as he yelled that. there was a pause, and it became quiet again.
suddenly, yeosang came up, and knelt down.
"j-jongho! i love you! d-don't do i-it!"
the boy froze. hearing yeosang shouting his name so clearly for the first time in over a decade, it really made him think. he looked down at the water again, and starting to cry even harder.
while he was facing down and not paying attention, an officer, who'd snuck up from the other side, swiftly ran to and pulled jongho off the railing.
the boy cried out and tried to fight back, but it was useless. several officers were surrounding him. they called for seonghwa, who sprinted over to do whatever he could to help.
he then took jongho into his arms, cradling him and trying his best to calm him down.
"it's okay.. it'll be okay.. i love you.."
the family brought jongho home, the parents giving him a little comforting talk about what changes they were going to make to help him, before asking what he wanted to do.
he then requested to sleep in san's room (since it was the middle of the night), and san agreed with no hesitation whatsoever.
jongho shuffled into the older's room, san running right in for a hug as soon as he saw him.
"i was worried sick.. please don't do that ever again.. this family loves you too much for that. i'd miss you so much if you were gone, i wouldn't be able to live with myself." san muttered.
"i'm s-sorry..." jongho said shakily.
yeah uh sorry abt that i know y'all are tired of this angst but it was the idea that came to mind, and i knew that if i didn't write it that i wouldn't have any other ideas and therefore wouldn't update
anyways AHHH THANK YOU FOR 100K READS!!!!! IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME, IM SO GLAD YOU GUYS ARE ENJOYING THIS BOOK :,(((( i love you
