Never Let Me Go (Niall Horan)

Chapter 24 - Stay and help me through this...

Chapter 24 - Stay and help me through this...

Sometimes, I just sit there and think, Just think what if?...What if our paths never crossed in the first place? what if I was focusing on what actually was in front of me and not on the ground, what if you just wanted to turn back time or make it all just stand still and just walk away...what if you could say I love you one more time or never has said it all...where would are lives be right now? where would I be if you hadn't saved me...

I know everything happens for reason, but sometimes I wish I knew what that reason was?

But I don't need anyone to tell me that I'm overreacting over something. I don't need to hear those people who say I'm just looking for attention, telling me that other people's lives are far worse than mine, I know that but you can't just tell me to stop harming myself or to start smiling like nothing's wrong, just don't leave me alone like other people have done in the past...its hard...

If you want to help me, just take my hand and tell me that your gonna help me, help me get through everything with me, tell me that i'm important to you, help me get a better life and help me learn to love myself again. Stay with me and tell me that you're always there if I need you.

Please help me...

depression almost killed me...

Yet...I'm just that girl in society with that broken smile...

That broken smile because of the path I didn't choose, my mum not knowing the real man she Married, thinking she would have a normal decent life with her ever so adoring husband with his daughter, not knowing what the future would be...he took her along that path, reassuring her it would be ok...

Not knowing what the future will actually looks like has its difficulties...when I was younger I thought I was going to be princess like Cinderella, finding her prince charming and living happily ever after...

Thinking of that made me get tears in my eyes, thinking about my mum just lying in her grave bought back memories from seeing her just been shot and lying in the middle of the hallway, with my dad standing over her pointing that gun after shooting her...making me think about it again,  thinking about how i was the one who wanted to die, not my mum...

smart girls are the over thinkers, the insecure ones, the different ones. They know what the real world is like. They analyze every little thing in life. Why? To avoid getting hurt. To find happiness. They stay up at night trying to think about every possible situation to get through all the problems.They think too much, they trust less people.Their insecurity proves their respect towards themselves...

I ran to the bathroom and sat down on the floor as the cold feel of the tile tocked my legs. I felt...worthless. My body quivered with every breath I took. I couldnt do it anymore. I was finally give in to those voices screaming at me...I was broken. Its become obvious. I'm emotionally destroyed and there's nothing to do except watch me fall apart. Each day it gets worse nothing ever gets better. I'm so alone in this world that it's starting to really get to me. I always have to remind myself that it's my fault for people not liking me. Its all my fault. There's no one to blame but myself. It's so hard because no one knows the real me. No one know's nothing about me. My personality from the outside, is an act. People use to say to me "get over it" but how can I? I will never get over all these things I've done to myself.

You lose and you get hurt. Hurt meaning about a thousand meanings in emotions and what's actually happened. But it takes one thing, only one thing to ruin it. Once its ruined, you realize you've lost it. Lost everything. You begin to feel nothing at all but just sadness and hurt, and thats when you begin to lose hope. But I didnt lose hope in everything, I began to write, firstly in a book, but I began to write this story on me.

I couldn't  hold still, neither could the drowning tears that were flowing down. I was scared, but there was nothing to lose, only to gain. Each of my breaths began to rise in volume as I took the blade and put the story into scarring flesh, but this wasn't my choice, it was for the best in what I thought was good, a hurricane twirling around and knocking my senses, catching the good ones, but leaving the bad ones to form a black hole in which could destroy.

Blood was good and the stinging from the tears dripping into the wounds meant you were fine...making me cry more from the pain but being hypnotised by the flowing of red stained blood moving like dispered rivers. This is what I deserve, this is what I needed.

Then it hit me.

Nobody needed me.

Nobody needed me. I'm just a waste...a distraction to others. Niall doesn't need me. He can find another girl wo's not fucked up in the head, who's had a proper childhood and who's actually got a family.

Someone who has no scars

I held the razor to my wrist, I've never cut an artery or vein before. I began to think back on my old memories and tried to figure out what caused this whole mess in the first place.

Suddenly I felt hands wrap around my body and hold me tight into their chest.

"I'm sorry Niall" I whispered making Niall hold me more tighter against his chest, making me cry even harder...But I had to realize that the greatest thing in life is finding that person who knows all my mistakes and differences and still helps me whenever I need them, need them there to help me, help me through this life of hate and judging, he didn't walk off, he stayed, he saw me with my open wounds and how one day I can just change like that.

"Fix it please" I whispered, making Niall make circles on my back, calming me.

"I will Katy" he replied making me look up  into his blue crystal eyes with love but also confusion turning into sadness.

"You need to keep fighting, fighting for me Katy..."

"But I wish I could, I wish everyone would realize that giving up isn't the worst solution; Staying alive is. At least for me. maybe not for the people round me, but for me it is. This is my hell Niall, you don't know whats in there, this is why I'm helping others, help them recover and not end up like this"

"But I promise to help you, with my life"

"Give me your arm" Niall whispered as he cradled me still.

"Why?" I questioned, gazing up at him.

"Just...let me count your scars" He said slowly, voice full of sympathy.

"Why Niall?" I quickly responded by tucking my arm to me chest.

"So then I can see how many times you needed me" He whispered, slowly pulling my arm towards him. "And I can see how many times I wasn't there to make you feel loved"

His thumb rubbed against the scars, the old and the new ones, watching him stare at them with a tense gaze.

----------------------

She can paint a lovely picture...but this story has a twist, her paintbrush is a razor and her canvas is her wrist...

She paints her pretty picture in a colour that's blood red while using her sharp paint brush she ends up finally dead. Her pretty pictures fading quite slowly on her arm the blood is not racing through her, she can no longer do harm

She painted painted a pretty picture but her picture had a twist...see her mind was a razor and her heart was her wrist...

--------------------

Hi there 

Ok, comment/vote/recommend!!!!!

Bye

-Lauren :) xo