Never Let Me Go (Niall Horan)

Chapter 19 - Choosing between my head and heart...

Chapter 19 - Choosing between my head and heart...

My hands wrapped around the hot mug of tea, holding it tight and bringing it to my lips, blowing the white steam that was coming up, away, trying to cool it down in the early summer cold night, just looking at the shining bright stars that were just visible in the night sky from the lights coming out from the background.

I sighed and brought my leg’s up near my chest, resting the mug on my knee’s as I kept my feet sturdy on the deck chair, just looking across to the large house where Danielle was coming out of the large kitchen sliding doors with her cup of tea in her hands, walking across to the end of the garden to where we were sitting by the shed, enjoying the view of the back sky of shiny stars.

“Aoifa is sound asleep now, I just think she’s missing Niall” Danielle said, sipping her tea.

“Do you think I over reacted” I replied changing the subject, turning my gaze from the house to her and tapping my fingers on the mug making a slight rhythm.

“Its not me to say Katy, but you could of given him a chance to let him explain it himself, sometimes you have to listen to your heart instead of your head babe” Danielle replied pointing to my heart and giving me a little encouraging smile.

I knew what she ment by that. I knew she ment that I always listened to those tiny horrible nasty voices in the back of my head, nagging and telling me what to do, controlling over my life, forcing me at whatever bad things that happen in my life, to take it out on myself, always making me forget about my heart, the one that told me to get help, to let people in and trust them, make them know the real me, the real me that was bursting to come out, the strong, fearless, happy Katy that can forget the voices up in her head and live life to the full, not caring about what people think and opening up about her feelings to anyone. But I guess that Katy was left behind at the tender age of 14, turning into the now known Katy, who even struggles to get through a day without breaking down, telling herself that she was worthless and shouldn’t even have a life, there were two Katy’s, and I wanted to be the one who listened to her heart, making life so much easier.

“But that’s the problem Danielle, I listen to my head too often, my head controls everything, my hearts just an organ, its just there” I replied looking down to my feet at which I was now fascinated by.

“You just need to take the thoughts out of your head babe, you told me you had a diary didn’t you, maybe you could write them in there” Danielle said crossing her legs and shuffling herself to face me.

“But it only works when I show someone them, like I showed my mum, how is it going to work” I replied gazing at Danielle and still holding my hot mug of tea in my hands.

“Niall” Danielle simply replied.

“Oh…..no, no way” I said moving my head from side to side.

“See, this is what I mean, your heads telling you this, but what’s your heart telling you” Danielle told me straight, pointing at me making her point, at which I agreed with.

What was my heart thinking, I didn’t exactly really think that far down, but a feeling inside of me kept telling me to do it, to do what I had to do, actually say what was wrong with me, bring the Katy that was trapped, out me out, maybe I was changing for the best, taking baby steps still, then actually get on the road to something that could lead to help, helping Katy.

“I’ll do it” I whispered, already hoping that Danielle didnt hear me.

“You know I’m proud of you babe” Danielle smiled getting up and hugging me, I felt safe, like I had a close family member hug you, I only felt it with my mum ages ago, but know 11 people had this affect on me, I just couldn’t stop smiling.