Hamartia (Royce)

4.3

Jacob's P.O.V.

"It's not going to hurt you" I murmured. I slowly picked up the red apple Teigen had given me before she left for school. "You can eat it". I already felt sick to my stomach, and I hadn't even eaten yet.

"Come on..." the fruit felt cold in my hand and I had the urge to throw it away. I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes.

"It's just an apple".

I opened my eyes at the sound of Jermaine's voice. "That's easy for you to say" I replied.

"You're right, it is".

"I wish it was for me, too".

"It can be" he answered, I watched him sit in front of me. He took the apple from me and looked at it, he held it in front of my mouth. "All you gotta do is eat it, and not throw it up".

I shook my head a little. "I wish I could".

"Why do you think you can't?"

"I don't know".

"But you do know" he replied. His voice was calm and collected and I felt jittery with him still holding the apple right under my nose. "You're scared, just admit it".

I swallowed the small lump in the back of my throat. "I'm scared".

"Don't be" he placed the apple down on the table. "Just eat".

I bit my lip gently and found myself picking up the apple. I looked at it for a while, before finally taking a bite from it. I chewed slowly and realized having food in my mouth felt good. I took another bite, I focused on eating the apple and completely forgot Jermaine was sitting in front of me until he said: "you like it?"

I nodded a little, placing the core of the apple on the table. "Can I have another one?" I asked, I felt my stomach growling for more.

Jermaine smiled, "yeah". I watched him stand up, he walked to the fridge and pulled out another apple. He rinsed it off before returning to his spot across from me, I slowly took the apple from him, and I took a bite from it and was pleased when I realized it tasted just as good as the first.

"Little steps, Jacob" he said simply, "that's all it takes. If you just eat a little bit each day, you'll be consuming a full meal in no time".

I nodded, he was right. I looked at the two apple cores in front of me. "Holy shit, Jermaine" I whispered.

"What?"

"I'm full" I laughed a little, "I'm not hungry, I'm genuinely full".

"And how does that feel?"

"It feels good, something I'd like to get used to".

"And you will, in due time".

I looked at him. "Thanks" I said, "thank you, the way you handle my eating disorder is so different from everyone else. You don't make me feel pressured to eat, and you don't make me feel disappointed when I don't. I know everyone who knows just really cares for me and they want me to get better, but it's... The way you go about getting me to eat.... It's relieving".

He shrugged a little. "I don't want to force you to eat" he said, "that's not how an eating disorder goes away, you gotta want to eat for yourself, not because someone is forcing food down your throat".

I watched him stand up, "I gotta get ready for work, but uh.... What do you even do when I'm at work?"

"Clean" I answered truthfully, "and wait for Teigen to get home".

"That sounds really boring".

"It helps take my mind off things. I'll probably meet with Chresanto this afternoon. I'm trying to fix things between him and I.... Trying to pull us back together".