Hamartia (Royce)

1.9

Chresanto's P.O.V.

"You get on my nerves" Jacob spoke, I allowed him to pull my body closer to his. 

"How so?" I asked. 

"I couldn't sleep at all last night" he replied. 

"And it's my fault for your insomnia, how?" I raised an eyebrow. 

He groaned and hit me, "you don't get it". 

"I don't, I'm sorry" I apologized. 

"I couldn't sleep because I had your stupid words embedded in my head". 

"What words?" I asked. 

"You telling me that you like me" he murmured, he looked at me and I looked at him. 

"I apologize for being the cause of your lack of sleep" I replied calmly. 

"It's okay" he said quietly. I watched his eyes examine my own and he looked down, I felt him rest his head on my chest. Yes, I was confused and my nervousness was running through my veins. "I can... I can feel myself falling in love with you" he mumbled, "and it terrifies me to no end".

I sighed and hugged him. "Why does it terrify you?"

"You know why" he murmured. "You know exactly why".

I can't believe this is really happening. How is this really happening? I would've never thought I'd have Jacob Perez resting his head on my chest.

"I'm not going to screw you over" I promised, "I wouldn't do that".

"I can't believe you" he looked at me and shook his head a little, "I'm sorry".

"Can I prove it to you instead then?"

I let my arms drop from around him and I held both his hands in my own. He looked at me, "I don't know". He gave me a hesitant look and I sighed. 

"I know you're afraid" I began, "of being hurt again, but you can't keep letting your first love stop you from having a second". 

He nervously messed with my fingers, "yeah... I know, I just don't particularly want everything to happen like it did before. You know? Like it hurt a whole lot, and I don't want to go through it again". 

"I understand" I spoke quietly. "I can wait". 

"I don't want you to wait, I want you to find someone who isn't afraid like I am". 

"But I don't want anyone else" I explained, "I want you". 

He shook his head a little and chuckled, "God, I just got... Like... Super soft, that's embarrassing". 

"No, it's not" I replied, "I like soft. I wish I could change your mind". 

"Yeah, me too" he murmured. I looked at him and he looked at me. I could see the small specks of dark brown in his eyes again. I bit my lip lightly as I looked at his. Dear God, what the hell was happening right now? We leaned in, closer... Closer... Closer... Until... He looked away. 

Damn.

He cleared his throat and took a step back. He ran his hand through his hair before shaking his head, "I gotta... I, um... Shit, I just gotta go" he murmured. I stood there and watched him pick up his bag from the picnic table and leave. 

>>*<<

Jacob's P.O.V.

"We almost kissed, Alexandria" I confessed, I turned around and looked at her. 

"What, really!?" She asked, excitement in her voice. "Why almost?" 

"Because I fucking backed out, literally, I looked down and took a step away from him. He's fucking getting into my head and he knows it and I can't do anything about it because I don't fucking know what to do". 

"You just gotta let it happen, Jacob" she said casually. "How do you feel when you're around him?" 

"Nothing at first, but then I look at him... And my stomach feels like it's all in knots and it's like I can't think of what to say, and just... Yeah. I know that feeling... I had it with Daniel... And now I'm having it with him". 

She giggled, "you're in love, Jakey". 

I cringed at the word love. "I know" I whimpered. 

"Aww, I know, come to mama" she said, she held her arms out for me. I walked over and sat next to her, she pulled me into her and I could feel her warmth. "My baby's in love" she said quietly. 

"I don't want to be" I muttered. 

"It sadly is not something you can control".

I groaned, I didn't say anything. All I did was groan. 

"It sounds like you're slowly dying". 

"That's because I am" I murmured. 

I couldn't believe this! I had, some how, fallen in love with Chresanto. I don't even understand how. How did I let myself feel this way? How the fuck do I make the damn feeling go away and never return? I chewed on my bottom lip as I thought about allowing myself to really love the boy who annoyed the fuck out of me when I first met him. The thought of him being my everything made my head hurt. "Dammit" I cursed lowly. I got up and sighed. 

>>*<<

"I'm skipping dinner" I said to Alex, "I'm not hungry". 

"Jacob, don't start" she said seriously, "you were doing good for a couple days". 

"This has nothing to do with my eating disorder, I promise" I replied, "I am just genuinely not hungry tonight".

She sighed and I watched her leave. I sat up and picked up my phone, I quickly unlocked it. I hesitantly went to my contacts and found Chresanto's name. I texted him. 

Me: Hi, I'm sorry for just leaving you like that.

Chresanto: It's okay.

Me: I just got nervous and didn't know what to do.

Chresanto: I understand.

Me: Do you still want to meet tomorrow?

Chresanto: Yeah, but let's meet somewhere else.

Me: Okay... Where?

Chresanto: How about back at the coffee shop? I've been craving hot chocolate for a while now. 

Me: Haha, okay. That's fine.

I yawned and rolled onto my side as I awaited his response. I was really tired and I wasn't completely sure why. Maybe it was because I was stressing over this boy all day. I don't know. 
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Kind of a surprise in the next chapter???