Star Wars | Episode X: The Edge of Destiny

Chapter 4: Unspoken Future

I hear the doors close behind me.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" I scream with everything I have in me. I feel the energy draining from my voice as the scream turns to an endless sobbing. Falling to the floor, I wrap my arms around my knees---pulling them to my chest. The Force is in rhythmic chaos around me. I feel darkness rising in me again---I am so angry. "Why now!"

"Why! I gave everything and had everything taken from me! Why!"

Darkness clouds my mind like an endless storm. I feel resentment at what price I had to pay for my destiny. The sobs come harder and faster---making my breathing labored. I feel as though I can't catch my breath and have been Force punched in the chest.

A breeze drifts slowly against my back--distracting me. I catch my breath and my mind is brought a comforting image.

"Ben..."

His eyes are staring at me and his arms are wrapped around me. I pull him in and kiss him. Electricity courses between us and for the first time in my life I felt it---love. The way his mouth opens and smiles at me.  Ben Solo returned that day---returned to me.

"He came back to me---he loved me. Ben gave his life to save mine that day. He was right... I'm not alone,  Not now..." the words crash against my mind, and a tidal wave of tears falls from my eyes. I don't have the energy to sob because the sweet image of him brought light back into my heart. The darkness fades from my mind as quickly as it came.

My arms fall from my knees and I rise to a standing position. I shakily breathe in and wipe the water off my face. I cough and regain my breath with the help of the Force---walking across the suite and head to the refresher in the master bedroom.

Through the doorway, I cross the grand bedroom and head inside the refresher. The light turns on automatically for me---illuminating the beautiful design. I begin to discard my garments and throw them into the laundry shoot.

I walk to the vanity and stare at my nude reflection in the mirror. Slowly, I reach my hand up and remove the band that's holding up my top bun. My hair falls freely past my shoulders and I look at the sadness that marks my face.

Red puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks. I shake my head from the sight and turn around---willing the hot water on. I step into the running water and am relaxed by the steam. Grabbing the blue liquid from the container, I begin washing my dirty skin. I still am covered in the dirt from chasing First Order war criminals down on Endor.  I can smell the ocean on my skin from my time on the island after my mission.  I rinse off the suds and lather my hair in a purple liquid. I use my fingertips to massage the scalp before rinsing out the soap---I stand in the water and allow the pleasure of the heat to relax me. Combing my fingers through my hair; then reaching down to turn off the water.

I step out of the shower and walk across the refresher floor to grab a towel from the beautifully carved cupboard. The white fluffy towels are quite large and I take my time drying myself off. In the nude, I walk out and into the master bedroom. Making my way over to the walk-in closet I find a cream maxi nightgown. I throw it over my head and tighten the band around the stomach---securing it to my figure.

I use the towel to press dry my hair as I walk back out into the foyer and head to the office desk near the window. Passing a small table with a decanter of Blossom Wine---instead of walking away from it---like normal. I stop at the small table and pour a goblet of the pale yellow liquid for myself.

Gingerly, I grab the glass and examine it. I have only had intoxicating beverages less than a handful of times in my adult life.  Now seems like an excellent time to indulge. 

"Cheers." I toast myself.

I take a sip and allow the soft burn to run down my throat---continuing to the desk in my suite and see that a Holocron and data pad are placed neatly on the top for my use. Taking a seat in the large green plush chair and set my drink down on the table next to me.

I turn on the data pad and see the information Poe mentioned. Curiously, there are only two documents available.

"That's it? That's all they could find," I scoff.

I click on the first one and see a schematic reading of the possible datacron and how much information it holds. Most of the information is missing; probably destroyed by the empire. I grab my glass and take a large swig of the beverage. The Blossom wine burns as it goes down but leaves me with a sweet aftertaste.

I exit the first piece of data and swipe to the second one. This information is puzzling all it says is the testing was a success.

"Success? Does that mean it is possible? If so, at what cost? There is always a cost..."

I toss the data pad down and swivel in my chair with my glass in frustration.

"Nothing. I guess I will find out more when we reach Hutta then," I scorn.

I rise from the chair with my drink and walk over to the lounger near the grand window where you entertain guests.  I never seem to have any of those.

The maxi nightgown covers my feet as I walk and crash on the chaise lounger. I place my arm on the back and hold my drink in my right hand as I watch the evening unfold on Coruscant. Taking another drink I scan the horizon as night falls and see the bustle of Coruscant's upper level.

"So many beings on this planet. But I bet none of them have a clue what goes on outside this place. Or what we had to do...what I will have to do," I scoff.  Taking another drink of the wine.

The Blossom wine relaxes me and I can feel my head start to spin slightly.

"Nothing makes any sense to me anymore." I put my drink down on the table in front of me and put both hands on the back of the chaise and stare out the window.

I remember...him. My thoughts become unguarded as the wine melts my mental walls. The night our hands touched on Ahch-To. I feel an endless pit of sadness forming in my heart from that memory...

We both saw two sides of the same future. It was solid and clear. I knew that he would turn to the light. I held on to that future until the very end.

The house was next to the sea--I could smell the spray. Birds chirped to one another overhead as dawn came. Us laying together on a large white bed. Ben's topless physique holds me close, and we both have our hands interlocked over my swollen belly. We are feeling the movement of our child.

I lift my head from my hands on the chaise and grab my drink on the table. With all I have I throw the goblet against a nearby wall. Glass particles fly and shatter from the impact and a liquid stain splatters the wall.

I am huffing now and can't catch my breath. The memory of that unspoken future echoes in my mind's eye.

"That vision should have come true! Why must destiny take me down this path!"

I fall back against the chaise and cover my eyes with my palms as tears fall. I start sobbing but don't allow myself to wallow long---I quickly rise and walk over to the master bedroom. The lights are in sleep mode and I crash on top of the silk sheet. I crawl up to the pillow and climb under the covers---resting on my right side.

The alcohol has taken effect and I can feel the room start to spin. I reach over and grab a spare pillow on the other side of the bed and hold it close. I snuggle my face on top of the pillow and squeeze it. How I wish it were Ben.

My mind starts to relax and I close my eyes---falling into a deep sleep.